Relationship shows signs of abuse

Dear Abby: I have been in a relationship for five years. It started out wonderful, but now I’m having second thoughts. He keeps putting my kids down and telling me I’m a bad mother. It’s so bad he has even put a knife to my throat. And, yes, he hits me.

I need help, but I don’t know what to do. He has isolated me from my family and friends. Please help me.

Lost and Afraid in the East

Dear Lost:

The man you are involved with is a dangerous abuser. What you must do next is quietly contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233 or visiting thehotline.org for help in formulating a safe escape plan. These are classic Warning Signs of an Abuser. Read on:

(1) PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claiming, “I’ve never felt loved like this by anyone.”

(2) JEALOUS: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly.

(3) CONTROLLING: If you are late, interrogates you intensively about where you were.

(4) UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to meet his or her every need.

(5) ISOLATION: Tries to isolate you from family and friends.

(6) BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS OR MISTAKES: It’s always someone else’s fault if something goes wrong.

(7) MAKES OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS: The abuser says, “You make me angry” instead of “I am angry.”

(8) HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings.

(9) CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals brutally.

(10) “PLAYFUL” USE OF FORCE DURING

SEX: finds the idea of rape exciting.

(11) VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things.

(12) RIGID ROLE OF DOMINANCE: Expects you to serve, obey at home.

(13) SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.

(14) PAST BATTERING: Admits to hitting a mate in the past.

(15) THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Says things like, “I’ll break your neck” and then dismisses them.