Fiance’s friends pose big problem for his intended

DEAR ABBY » My fiance, “Peter,” has a number of female friends I’m not comfortable with, primarily because they are women he “had” interest in before we started dating. He says he has told them he’s taken now and they can’t be more than friends, but I don’t think they got the message. He recently told me one of them told him a guy had proposed to her but she’s delaying accepting in case Peter becomes available. This is the second time something like this has happened.

I believe it’s because of the way he relates to these girls. I mean, if he has really made clear in words and actions that he’s not interested in them romantically, they wouldn’t base their life decisions on the hope that they may still have a chance with him.

Peter may tell me these things because he wants me to know lots of women are willing to have him. But I’m confused at this point about whether he’s truly committed to me. Could it be he just likes “talking” to women even though it leads them on? And is this behavior healthy for a future marriage?

— Second Thoughts

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS

» You are asking intelligent questions. Unfortunately, not knowing your fiance, I can’t answer them. I can, however, offer this: When couples become serious, they stop playing games. If your fiance thinks that causing you to feel jealous or insecure at this point is constructive, he is making a mistake because it won’t stop after the wedding. Peter appears to be immature, and that’s a red flag. Premarital counseling may help to clear the air.