PARENTING

TULSA — Alisa Bell doesn’t mince words when talking about her life’s hardships — from becoming pregnant at 14 to working through grief after the fatal shooting of her teenage son.

But her tales end with lessons in tenacity, perseverance, the need for a support network and no excuses.

She halted her family’s generational cycle of teen moms by obtaining a bachelor’s degree in English and a master’s degree in organizational development and by focusing on parenting.

“It’s true children of teen moms often become teen moms, too,” she said. “But it works the other way, too. Children of college graduates often become college graduates.”

While working full-time and being a mother and wife, Bell found the time to start a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping teen mothers get a college education.

“I didn’t do any of it by myself,” she said. “There was always someone waiting in the wings to help me. Someone was always leading me to the next stop. I always had women mentors, older and more experienced than me, leading the way. That positive relationship is what I want to give back to young girls.”

When Bell became pregnant as a high school freshman in 1979, she was automatically transferred to Tulsa’s Margaret Hudson program for pregnant teenagers.

“You weren’t given a choice at that time,” she said. “Going through high school, no one really told you college was an option. They were happy to get us through high school, but no one explained to us what we could do after that. We hear all the bad statistics we’re up against, but no one tells us how to avoid it.”

At age 18, Bell had her second child. Like most teenage mothers, she thought she was in love. It didn’t last.

“At age 14, 15 or 16, no one will admit this. But I did know it could happen to me,” she said.

“Not until you’re an adult can you admit it. But there is too much information out there to allow girls to say they didn’t know it could happen.”

Bell choose to stay in her traditional high school through graduation in 1983, working at a couple of minimum-wage jobs after receiving a diploma.

“I thought, ‘I am better than this. There has to be a better way,’ ” she said. “I knew when I went to college I would be able to find a better job. But I had no idea how much my world would open up with a college degree.”

Bell considers herself fortunate to have family members with college educations. They helped her navigate the process of applying to schools, seeking financial aid, and finding housing and child care.

While living in Tahlequah and attending Northeastern State University, she focused on the routine of single motherhood. Dating was not a priority.

“I was able to bond with my children,” she said. “I was able to be a mother.”

Bell intended to become teacher but found the salary could not support her and her children. She landed a job at an insurance company, where she has been working for about 20 years.

She married Craig Bell, and the couple have a daughter, who is now 15.

In May 1998, Bell’s 14year-old son, James Deandre King, was killed when his cousin shot him in the head while they were at his paternal grandmother’s house.

The cousin, Darell Steven King, was charged as a youthful offender and received a 10-year term in August 1999. In 2011, he was among three defendants convicted in the gang-related murder of a 22-year-old and received three life sentences, one without the possibility of parole.

Bell was devastated by her son’s death and sought a master’s degree from the University of Oklahoma to find a new focus. Her coursework required the development of a program to seek a grant.

For years, Bell had been a guest speaker at Margaret Hudson and sat on its board. But she wanted to directly affect a teen mother’s education.

Based on that assignment, she founded J.A.M.E.S. (Just About Mothers Excelling in School) in 2006 to raise money for college scholarships for teen parents and provide the women support to stay in school.

“My desire to do this was there long before James died,” Bell said.

“I knew I had this in my heart. His death was the catalyst. He gave me the momentum and the name.