Happiness is not dependent on other people

“One of the greatest gifts you can ever give to someone who makes your heart soar, or who gets on your nerves, is the freedom to learn their own lessons at their own pace,” says Mike Dooley, a New York Times best-selling author, speaker and entrepreneur.

Tell that to a parent with a troubled teenager or to an adult child with a manipulative aging parent; to parents of an adult child who is an addict and still dependent on them; or to anyone who believes it is their responsibility to befriend someone who continually abuses the relationship, and you will get a response something like, “How can you walk away from someone who needs your help?”

I can remember in my late 40s when I first heard someone say, “You do not have the power to make another person unhappy — or happy.” I had lived my entire life assuming I could do both.

Dooley goes on to say, “Most challenging of all is understanding one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is the realization that your heart soaring and your nerves fraying have never been dependent upon other people and their lessons.” And that may be even harder to get your mind around.

As I wrestled with this new way of thinking, I began to understand that how another person behaves in response to what I do or say is not “my fault”; it is about them and how they have been conditioned to respond — usually a learned behavior that has become a habit — or maybe it is some of their own unfinished business that spills over on you when you bump up against them.

The reality is we teach

BODY WORK people how to treat us, and if someone continually mistreats, angers or frightens us, we are cooperating. And if nothing changes, then nothing changes, and we should quit being surprised.

Instead of asking how you can change someone else, the question that will set you free is “What else can YOU do?”

COMMUNITY

NORMAN HIRES INFORMATION CHIEF

NORMAN — Claudia Deakins has been hired as the city’s chief communications officer, Norman City Manager Steve Lewis said. Deakins brings several years of experience in local government to the position, including 12 years leading public information and communication efforts for the city of Edmond. She served three years as executive director of the City Management Association of Oklahoma. Her most recent position was with Strategic Government Resources. Deakins’ duties will include media relations, community outreach and communication about city programs and initiatives.

WRITERS GROUP TO MEET

Oklahoma City Writers will meet Saturday in Room 225 of St. Luke’s United Methodist Church, 222 NW 15. Coffee is at 10 a.m., and the program starts at 10:15 a.m. Visitors are welcome. Norman fantasy writer Tom Barczak will present the program on “Building the Foundation of a Writing Career That Works Right for You.” To learn more, contact President Shelley Pagach at shellbell.sp@gmail. com.

PARKS WORKERS SOUGHT

Oklahoma City Parks and Recreation is hiring for seasonal employment in aquatics, recreation and grounds maintenance. Jobs include mowers, tractor drivers, recreation leaders and lifeguards. For details, go to www.okc.gov/ parks.

PARENTS OFFERED SUPPORT IN EDMOND

EDMOND — The Edmond chapter of Parents Helping Parents will meet at 6:30 p.m. Tuesday in the private meeting room at the Oklahoma Blood Institute, 3409 S Broadway. Billy Samuel, with Specialized Outpatient Services Inc., will be guest speaker. His topic is “Communication Breakdowns in Family Relationships.” For more information, call 642-8198.