‘Be ye kind, one to one another’

THIS IS NOT A COMMERCIAL.

KIND is the brand name for a protein bar. KIND bars are made of whole ingredients like nuts, mixed with fruits and spices bound together with honey. KIND bars are described as wholesome and delicious, and I am hooked on their commercials, even though I have not yet purchased or eaten one.

One of their commercials says: “People get confused about NICE and KIND. NICE tells you what you want to hear. KIND is honest.”

It made me pause. Sometimes when we are being nice, we’re lying? Hmmmm. Doesn’t mean that gives me permission to say hurtful things, but it does remind me that when I speak, I want to say the truth — kindly.

When someone has hurt or angered or disappointed me, I have learned it is wise to pause and think before I speak. I do this by asking three questions: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Until I can answer yes to all three, I wait, because hurtful words can never be taken back. They linger inside us. We do not forget.

Kindness is never a weakness. In fact, it can be one of the most powerful tools available for transforming a hateful situation and a hateful person, ourselves most of all. And only one person has to be kind for a situation to dramatically change.

A Bible verse from my childhood is embedded in my memory, “Be ye kind, one to another.” The Talmud says, “The highest form of wisdom is kindness.” However, kindness may not come easily to people who did not grow up with it, but kindness can be practiced until it becomes a habit — one that is worth keeping.

I am now going out to buy a KIND bar.

Charlotte Lankard is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. Contact her at clankard@opubco.com.