With this pen
Handwritten thank-you notes still appreciated, panelists say
QUESTION: Do you think that social rules have changed? Are they better? Or worse? The one that comes to mind is writing thank you notes on stationery vs. email.
CALLIE’S ANSWER: This question comes up a lot in regard to thank-you notes. Now that we have email, it is nice to receive a thank you email, this is also more casual. That being said, a handwritten note is impressive and always welcome! In regard to if they are better or worse, it depends on your preference.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: That’s a big question, and our space to answer it fully is not big enough. Perhaps our etiquette customs have evolved to address today’s society, but the basic intent behind etiquette and related social rules has not. These rules exist to make our relationships and interactions run more smoothly and give us some guidelines for how to treat people. As for stationery vs. email, a nice note is always appropriate and often welcomed, but sometimes sending an email would be better than nothing at all. However, the custom of sending handwritten thank-you notes is still relevant today. If you can’t get to those, then make sure you at least thank the person somehow for the gift, occasion or favor. And try not to hold a grudge if another person doesn’t meet the handwritten standard.
HELEN’S ANSWER: Social rules are still very applicable. I attended a formal (black or white tie) event last weekend where the tables were set properly with water and wineglasses were set in the right places and lovely dishes and tablecloths and napkins were selected. Everyone was on his best behavior and obeyed every social rule I have ever heard of. People were friendly and greeted each other by name. Dinner was served in several courses, and exquisite table manners were observed. I bet that most of the guests wrote the chairman of the Ball a lovely note telling her how delightful the event was. She graciously greeted every guest at the front door. The invitations to the party were beautifully engraved.
We can apply the right rules when we choose to. Sometimes we get so busy we forget, and sometimes we don’t know the right procedure. There are various classes offered in etiquette for adults and children. In today’s world, corporate classes should be offered just in case we didn’t quite get “the message” at home.
Writing thank-you notes keeps coming up at 20-40-60 Etiquette. They are still very important. Let’s keep that one going!
GUEST’S ANSWER: Hilarie Blaney, Corporate Etiquette, U.S. and International Protocol Consultant: I don’t think the rules have changed much; we have changed.
We as individuals are so caught up in our own busy lives, we are unaware of opportunities to show our professionalism and thoughtfulness.
So many of the rules and customs we still use today, date back to ancient Egypt, Rome and Medieval times, such as the handshake, toasting at weddings and proper dining skills, but we have had to increase the rule list to add items such as technology etiquette. For fun, I looked through my extensive library of etiquette books, including some that date back to the 1930s. Many are current books such as “Modern Manners” by Dorthea Johnson, founder of the Protocol School of Washington and “Would It Kill You To Stop Doing That?” by Henry Alford. Both books largely discuss the ageold rules, but cover topics such as emails and your question regarding written or emailed thank-you notes.
Thank-you notes should be written for such things as gifts, dinners and job interviews. In fact, only 36 percent of people write a handwritten note for a job interview! I am a stickler for them, and so are my friends. Nothing is nicer than receiving a heartfelt note of gratitude.
Here is my best etiquette tip: My friend Shannon Presti carries a folder in her car with notes and envelopes stamped and ready, so when she needs to write a note for a thank-you for lunch or a meeting, she doesn’t waste any time, she writes it in her car!
Callie Athey is 20-something, Lillie-Beth Brinkman is in her 40s, and social columnist Helen Ford Wallace is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.