Different strokes
Each sibling requires specialized parenting.
Have you ever read this verse from the Old Testament book of wisdom, Proverbs 24:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Is this promise a guarantee that if you “train” a child right, they will ultimately live the right way? We know, don’t we, there are no such guarantees. Even good parents can produce wayward offspring.
So, what does it mean to train a child in the way he should go? Part of the answer lies in understanding your child’s hard wired personality. There are basically four personality types, and all of us (including our children) have a predominant personality type blended with one or more other types:
Phlegmatic children: These kids tend to be easy going, compliant, often with a low activity level. They do not have the need to be “doing something” all the time. Often they have no strong opinions. They just want everyone to get along. These kids say, “Let’s do things the easy way.”
Sanguine children: These kiddos are lighthearted, happy, and energetic. They love being around people and are talkative but often have trouble getting things done if they don’t find the task enjoyable. These kids say, “Let’s do it the fun way!”
Melancholy children: Children who want things done the right way are sometimes called perfectionists. They prefer peace and quiet to being with a bunch of people. They tend to be deep thinkers and sometimes seem anti-social, but they really just prefer to be alone. These kids say, “Let’s do it the right way.”
Choleric children: These are the “leaders.” They are strong-willed and goal-oriented. They want to be in charge, accomplish things and win. These kids can be heard to say, “Let’s do it my way!”
Parents need to keep in mind their own personalities also come into play. Don’t try to make your kids a “mini me.” As you interact, account for both your personality and theirs. The interaction between a parent’s personality and the child’s personality has a great effect on how “child training” happens in the home.
Here are two quick tips on training a child in the way he should go:
1. Remember training is not “discipline.” Think of training as something that happens before, and discipline as something that happens after. Parents should be in continual training mode 24/7. Do your training by talking with, not at, your kids. Use dialogue more than monologue. And remember to train with your walk, not just your talk.
2. Child training should be similar to the work of an athletic coach. No successful coach coaches all players the same way. The best coach understands the unique gifts of each athlete and customizes the coaching. The best coach encourages strengths and corrects weaknesses. The best coach is primarily an encourager, not a punisher. (Although, my old coach often had me run a lot of laps!)
Train up a child. Not in your way, but in the way they should go, given their personality. Remember Proverbs 24:6 is not a guarantee; simply wise advice from the book of wisdom.