Talk of suicide keeps woman in relationship

DEAR ABBY: A year ago, after five years of marriage, I divorced my ex-husband, “Taylor.” We agreed to separate because I believed I had fallen out of love with him. We have remained friendly and communicate often.

Since the divorce, I have struggled with feelings of guilt and the creeping suspicion that I have made a mistake. I think I am still in love with him.

For the past few months, I have been seeing another man, “Jacob.” Although he is sweet and affectionate, Jacob is needy, clingy and struggles with depression and anxiety. He often expresses suicidal thoughts over problems in his life, including the thought of me leaving him. He is in therapy, but it doesn’t seem to be helping.

I am terrified of breaking up with him to reconcile with my ex-husband because I honestly believe Jacob would kill himself, and I could not live with that. Any advice would be appreciated.

— In a Hard Spot in Alabama DEAR HARD SPOT: Jacob is in therapy. Write a letter to his therapist and explain your concerns. That way the therapist will understand in advance that his/her patient may be heading for a rough patch. Regardless of whether Jacob is serious about killing himself should you end the relationship, for your own sake, you must not allow yourself to become a prisoner of his illness.

I must caution you, however, not to allow yourself to be pressured into reconciling with your ex unless both of you have premarital counseling so you won’t fall back into the pattern that destroyed your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are close friends with another couple we love dearly. Lately the wife has been concerned about her husband’s continued weight gain.

I know she’s concerned about diabetes and heart disease and all the other ills obesity can bring, but I don’t think this is helping. In fact, I think it’s pushing him to want to eat more. How can we as friends help them to overcome this? For the record, he now weighs more than 300 pounds.

— Best Friends in Texas DEAR FRIENDS: Your friend’s husband is dangerously overweight. She may be panicking at the reality that the load he’s carrying could shorten their marriage. What she doesn’t realize is that the motivation for him to deal with his weight problem has to come from him, not her.

Rather than second guess what he’s eating when you are all out to dinner, she should encourage him to talk with his doctor and a nutritionist about what he needs to do to get healthy. Please tell her that.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.