‘Shoulds’ in life are suggestions, not imperatives

Mike Dooley, author and creator of “Notes from the Universe,” believes the only way to get what you really want is to know what you really want. And the only way to know what you really want is to know yourself. And the only way to know yourself is to be yourself. And the only way to be yourself is to listen to your heart.

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Unless of course you grew up in a family where there were clear expectations and no one ever asked you what you wanted, what you thought, what you felt or what was right for you.

In a desire to please, you may have grown up basing your decisions on others’ voices and expectations even when what they wanted did not mesh with your talents and your dreams. If that happened, you learned early to pretend you are something you are not.

Pretending becomes exhausting and depressing, so as you face a new year, what if you quit living by someone else’s “should” and begin to pay attention to what you “want,” what is right for you. When people impose “shoulds” on you, they are simply saying what “they” want you to do. So, learn to recognize a “should” as simply a suggestion to consider. Paying attention to what you want is not selfish. It is self-respect and self-care.

Since I believe each of us is the best authority on ourselves, consider beginning this new year by paying attention to your “wants” what draws you intrigues you, pulls at you, excites you.

Dooley called it listening to your heart. I call it listening to your gut.

Wishing you a year filled with self-respect and selfcare.