Teen lets her temper spoil fun with family, friends

DEAR ABBY: I’m a 15-yearold girl. I’m a fun person to be with, and I love spending time with my friends and family. But one thing sometimes ruins it. I have a bit of a temper and some anger problems. I’m wondering if you have anything that could help me control my temper and be nicer to people? I get into disagreements with people I care about because of my attitude. Can you give me some guidance?

— Testy Teen in Wisconsin DEAR TEEN: If you think you are the only person with anger issues, you are mistaken. We are living in increasingly stressful times that have affected most of us in one way or another.

It takes self-control — and maturity — to react calmly instead of spouting off angrily. Before you can deal with your anger problem you need to be able to pinpoint what makes you lose control. The problem with a hair-trigger temper is that those who fly off the handle sometimes shoot themselves in the foot.

While anger is a normal emotion we all experience at one time or another, most people start learning to control it during childhood. Uncontrolled anger is destructive because it drives others away, making it impossible to maintain healthy, successful relationships. The trick is learning to express anger in constructive rather than destructive ways. My booklet “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It” offers suggestions on how to recognize you are angry before you lose control and how to channel it appropriately. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus a check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. I hope it will be helpful for you. It takes maturity to identify and verbalize negative emotions rather than lash out at others. Being able to calmly say, “I’m having a bad day today,” or, “When you say (or do) that, it makes me angry” will earn you the respect of others. And it is the key to defusing anger before you lose control.

DEAR ABBY: I just finished building my dream home. My dilemma is, now that I have a wonderful home gym, my inlaws want to use it. I feel selfish saying no. But I’m a very private and somewhat introverted person, and I really like my space. I’m afraid if I agree, it may become inconvenient for me when I want to use it. Where do I draw the line?

Am I being selfish? If not, how do I refuse without disrupting the family dynamics? I have a feeling it wouldn’t sit well, and so far, I’ve been coming up with excuses to avoid the situation. Please help.

— Running Out of Excuses DEAR RUNNING OUT: A tactful solution might be to “remind” your in-laws that you want the gym to be available for your private use when you need it, and suggest some hours or days when there wouldn’t be a conflict. And hold a good thought. Interest in working out in gyms is notoriously short-lived, so your problem may disappear in quick time.

Primo Levi, the Italian chemist who authored two books about his experiences as a concentration camp survivor, wrote, “The aims of life are the best defense against death.”

At the bridge table, the best defense can often turn a minus score into a plus. This deal featured one of the runners-up for the best defense of 2016-17. It occurred during the final of the world senior teams in Lyon, France. It featured Allan Graves (East) and Michael Becker. The original article was written by John Carruthers, the Canadian editor of the International Bridge Press Association’s monthly magazine.

Both teams, Italy and the United States, were in four spades by South. At the other table, West led the heart queen because East had opened with a weak two-bid. After this Stayman auction, Becker still found that start, knowing that short strong suits often make good leads against suit contracts. The declarers took the trick and drew two rounds of trumps ending in hand to get that bad news. Each now led the club 10.

At the other table, the Italian West played low, and the contract could no longer be defeated. In contrast, Becker won with his ace and continued with the heart jack. Graves overtook with his king and continued with the heart eight. When declarer ruffed high, Becker discarded the club seven (high from a remaining doubleton).

South had to persevere with the club queen, but Graves took the trick and gave his partner a club ruff. Plus 420 and plus 50 gave the United States 10 international match points en route to victory by 24 imps.