Disapproval of pregnancy becomes permanent rift
DEAR ABBY: I became pregnant with my second child in 2013. When my extended family heard the news, it was not wellreceived, particularly by my grandmother and aunt-in-law. They said things like, “We love you, but we're embarrassed and ashamed.”
I have to be honest — I was angry. I swore at her after she accused me of “using” my partner of 10 YEARS to get pregnant. I wasn't asking for a blessing, but unconditional love from this God-fearing woman was definitely expected.
Fast-forward to now: My grandmother continues to hold anger and resentment toward me. She says it's because I've “sullied our family name.” Now my uncle is blaming me for her poor health! I'm at a loss about how to fix this. Should I say, “So long, farewell”? What can I do?
— Giant Mess in Pennsylvania
DEAR MESS: The person responsible for your grandmother's poor health isn't you — it's her. It's not unheard of for people who hang onto anger and resentment the way she does to make themselves sick.
You haven't sullied the family name, and you cannot fix this by yourself. The healthiest thing you can do, for yourself AND your children, is move forward and don't look back.
DEAR ABBY: My family and I are planning a get-together. Our younger brother has a new girlfriend who was introduced to everyone at the last get-together.
That day, one sister mentioned a political proposition that was up for a vote in her state. The new girlfriend kept repeating “No politics!” every time my sister started talking about it.
Now the new girlfriend will be in my home, and I am sure politics will be a topic of conversation, considering the current economic, political and health crises going on. How should this be handled so as to not offend and distance our brother's new girlfriend, but allow us to continue having conversations that are meaningful to us as a family?
— Outspoken in Florida DEAR OUTSPOKEN:
Someone, preferably your brother, should have a chat with this woman before the next family gathering and make clear that your family enjoys talking about current events — politics included — and she does not have the right to dictate to the rest of you what you can or cannot talk about. If the subject makes her uncomfortable, she should either move to another room or skip the event.