Giving season
Now is a time to teach generosity to children
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The holidays can be a self-centered “gimme this, gimme that” season. They can also offer teachable h moments for instilling generosity in the next generation. h The Rev. Anna Russell Friedman, associate for family ministries at Christ Church Cathedral, said, “we are called to teach empathy and generosity. h “It is natural for children to believe the world revolves around them. And it does. But it is our job – as parents, grandparents, teachers, the church, the community – to help children learn that there is a world outside of them, with people with other needs and concerns that are just as important as theirs. Empathy and generosity go hand in hand,” she said. “It is hard to say which one comes first.”
Change the language
Sometimes just changing the language can make a difference. Ask a child “what are you giving for Christmas?” instead of “what are you getting?”
Janet Davies said she recently heard a mother who talking on the radio the other day saying at Christmastime “she “didn’t ask her children what they wanted, but instead asked them what they wanted to give to the other members of the family and friends.”
Facilitate the giving
Carter Dawson’s family started a new tradition for giving this year: “We wanted to model giving and engage our children in the process. This spring, we had a family meeting and told the kids, age 14 and 17, that we had a sum that we wanted to give to charity but we wanted their input.”
After research, the parents and teens each made presentations and recommendations.
“We all had to explain what each organization did and how the money would be used. Then all of us voted on which charities got funding and how much each would get. We found it very engaging for us all and will definitely continue the practice in the future.”
The family ultimately voted to give 50% to Martha O’Bryan Center; we all felt we wanted to support a local charity that helped kids and families. They divided the rest between Direct Relief, St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, Warner Parks, Cheekwood and Team Trees.
A decade ago, former Tennessee House of Representatives Speaker Jimmy Naifeh started a family practice of giving $50 to each grandchild at Thanksgiving to give away during the holidays.
Naifeh’s daughter Beth Wright said Giddi’s (Arabic for grandfather) leadership has been a good example for the six grandchildren, now ages 12 to 20.
“We go around the table (at a Christmas brunch) and each of them gets to tell how they spent their $50 and why they chose what they did,” said Wright. They have sponsored a family at Safe Haven, St. Luke’s and from f the an Angel Tree, donated to a teacher whose son had recently been paralyzed, provided socks, shoes and toiletries to a homeless person and left a $50 tip for a Cracker Barrel waitress.
“I was always taught to be thankful for what we had, and be aware that there are people less fortunate than us,” said Naifeh, a son of Lebanese immigrants.
“Dad always told me that for our privilege of living in this great country, we should give back. I’ve tried to instill this in my children and now my grandchildren,” he said. “I think my grandchildren really look forward to it every year.”
Rachel Barden’s three-generation family had a longstanding tradition of drawing names on New Year’s Eve. “Everyone had a year to come up with a gift for their ‘charge’ with one stipulation: you couldn’t buy anything.”
She said it became an exercise in regifting or being creative.
“The excitement that was generated on New Year’s Eve for those gifts just about outweighed the excitement of Christmas Eve because everyone had been so thoughtful and deliberate,” Barden said. “Even the young children seriously considered what they had that could be shared or what they could make.”
Create opportunities for giving
Help children see that they can make a difference.
Have conversations about issues in the community like hunger, housing challenges and financial need, and how your family can help. Encourage them to do chores around the house to earn money for charity, and let them help decide which charities to support.
I think that children need to know it is not just about giving money, that time, talents and offering a kind word help, as well.
Talk about who can use a word of encouragement and help children write a note or bake some cookies for that person.
Volunteering with children is a perfect opportunity for them to contribute. Even during the pandemic, family volunteer opportunities are available or your family can create its own project like a food or coat drive, or neighborhood cleanup.
When buying toys to donate, take your children on the shopping trip. It can offer a perfect chance to talk about the tremendous need that some families face, and the fact that many children have less than they do.
Model generosity
Surely, the best way to “teach” generosity, is by setting examples of your own.
There are countless opportunities to help others through organized efforts, but you can also look for small daily ways to be generous, like helping an elderly neighbor unload groceries, making dinner for a friend who has been sick or leaving a generous tip to help a server through tough times.
Children will notice when you help with a food drive, take clothes to a shelter, volunteer at a senior center, host a party with purpose or put money in a Salvation Army Red Kettle.
Make giving year-round
Modeling generosity should be a goal not just at Christmas.
When it is a birthday or other special occasion with gifts, think about a party in which guests bring donations in lieu of gifts. Donations can be dog food for the humane shelter, canned goods for a food pantry or toys and diapers for needy families.
Now, back to Harris and her giving project for grandchildren: She ultimately decided to give them $100 gift cards to purchase Christmas gifts for children “who are not so lucky.”
Her grandson plans to buy items from a Tennessee Baptist Children’s Home teen’s wish list , and her granddaughter had fun shopping for a baby girl from an Angel Tree.
“I think maybe they got a little insight,” Harris said.