Family’s help with child care comes at a cost
Dear Abby: I am a mother of four (soon to be five) young children. It is exhausting. My husband helps as much as he can, but sometimes we both need a break. My parents offer to watch the kids. The problem is, my parents and I have opposite political and world views. Sometimes they’ll say things to my children like, “You’re such a ditzy girl, you better find a good husband!” Or call a former president “the devil.” My husband and I have VERY different opinions than they do, and we worry about their influence on our children. But, honestly, sometimes we need their help. I don’t think they can keep their opinions to themselves, but I don’t want them anywhere near my kids, either. Is it hypocritical to accept their help?
– Different Views in New Jersey Dear Different: Because you need their help and they are willing to babysit “the grands,” I don’t consider accepting it the least bit hypocritical. Your children are too young to know any former presidents, and are not likely to place any importance on what your parents say about them.
I do, however, take issue with planting the idea in a little girl’s head that she is a “ditz” and that her only goal in life should be to marry anyone. Your daughter is growing up in a very different world than the one your mother was raised in. These days, girls are expected to follow their own path, get an education, work and become independent. Marriage, if it happens, comes later.
You and your husband should tell your children (in an age-appropriate way) that their grandparents love them, but have different ideas about things than Mommy and Daddy do. Then reinforce that they are smart, honest, good and any other virtues you would like to implant in their little heads.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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