How to deal with someone who doesn’t remember you

QUESTION: I live in an area that is like a small town within a large city. the circles of people are woven like a web and share many common connections. There is a lady that I have meant several times, play tennis with her sister and work out with the same personal trainer.

In social situations, she repeatedly acts as if we have never met or chatted, despite my prompts.

It becomes tiresome to remind her, besides being awkward.

Do you have thoughts on best way to handle someone with such hazy memory?

CALLIE’S ANSWER: Sounds like you’re a very kind person. Maybe stop reminding and just simply say hello. I’m sorry she does this to you. That can be frustrating.

LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: That’s frustrating and puzzling. I think you might have to keep reminding her anyway, especially since you don’t know why she can’t remember you. Maybe she has some memory loss you don’t know about. Perhaps you could kindly and privately ask her sister why she thinks she always forgets you. It might not change your approach, but at least you will understand her better.

HELEN’S ANSWER: It is really strange that she does not remember you time after time, but there are people out there who have a hard time with names. Just keep reminding her and maybe some day she will say “I do remember your name.” You might ask her sister. Maybe she has an explanation for the questionable behavior.

GUEST’S ANSWER: Kirsten Cash, speech-language pathologist and mother of four: Honestly, in today’s world, I would simply suggest you extend her some grace. I think we need a lot more of that these days. I know I myself am terrible at remembering faces and/or names.

I have introduced myself to people before only to have them say, “We have met before.” How embarrassing! I can only say, “Oh, I have the worst memory! I am so sorry!” It is also possible that she may truly not remember you.

As a speech-language pathologist, I have worked with people who have suffered traumatic brain injuries, strokes, or other health traumas that greatly impact memory. We do not always know a person’s health status by his/her appearance. Without knowing if this person is deliberately acting as though she does not recall you or whether she actually does not, my recommendation is to extend her grace.

There are enough troubles in the world without holding a grudge toward an acquaintance. Smile, remind her of your connection, re-re-re-introduce yourself, and wish her a pleasant day. And then enjoy the rest of yours.

Since 2009, Callie, Lillie-Beth and Helen have written this generational etiquette column. They also include guest responses from a wide range of ages each week. So many years later, Callie is 20-plus; Lillie-Beth is 40-plus and Helen is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.