Heartbroken wife ready to end long marriage
Dear Abby: When I found out a few months ago that my husband of 24 years had been having affairs with several men, it devastated me. I have gone to counseling to try to deal with the pain and depression I now suffer from. He’s in counseling for himself as well, and we are in couple’s counseling to see if our marriage is salvageable. He tells me it has nothing to do with me but more about his need for attention. The problem is, he did this for SIX YEARS.
I’m no longer in love with him – and yes, I did love him more than life itself. I feel I need to end our marriage because I will never be able to trust him again, and I will never be enough for him. I’m struggling with guilt. He cries when I tell him I’m done. How can I make it easier for both of us? – Devastated Beyond Words
Dear Devastated: That may not be possible, and YOU are not to blame for what happened. Once you accept that fact, you may begin to feel less guilty. Married men do not engage in affairs with other men because they aren’t getting enough attention from their wives.
Whether your husband is a deeply closeted gay man or bisexual is anyone’s guess. But he chose to cheat on you. Keep that in mind when you tell him (again) that you are done, then hand him some tissues and call your lawyer.
Dear Abby: My oldest daughter, “Heather,” has started her senior year of high school. She’s often angry and confrontational with my husband and me. We’ve learned to remain neutral and not react to her attempts to pick fights. However, we have two younger daughters, 15 and 9. We found out that Heather often swears at them. Unfortunately, it’s something I hear about long after it’s happened. Heather will be 18 in a couple of weeks, and, frankly, we’re ready for her to move out. Until then, how would you handle this situation? – Tired of the Language
Dear Tired: Talk to your daughter! WHY is she angry and disrespectful? Does Heather have emotional issues? If so, what has caused them? Once you have some answers, you and your husband can get your daughter professional help if she needs it. In the meantime, tell Heather you don’t like the attitude she has been displaying and you want it stopped immediately. Make plain that if her bad behavior continues, there will be “consequences,” and then, if it does, follow through.