The Oklahoman

Abuse, alcohol cloud victim’s perception

- Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: For the last three years, I was in an emotionall­y and physically abusive relationsh­ip. I finally found the courage to leave. Throughout the time I was with my ex, I self-medicated with alcohol because I felt ugly and unloved. One day, while I was out and intoxicate­d, I created an online profile on a dating app. Three days later, I went on a date that went absolutely great. We spent the entire weekend together and have seen each other for the last three months since then. My problem is I still have feelings for my abusive ex. The man I am currently seeing is loving and caring. He already talks about marriage and giving me a life I deserve. At the beginning, I was very into him, but maybe now I’m realizing he was a rebound because, as time passes, I do not share the same feelings he does. I am worried I will lose this man and perhaps a great life over someone who caused me so much pain and grief. Please help.

– Stuck in My Past

Dear Stuck: Although you may be tempted in that direction, the one thing you do NOT need is to return to your prior toxic relationsh­ip. Before you commit to another relationsh­ip, you must resolve your alcohol problem. The next item on your agenda should be getting reacquaint­ed with the worthwhile person that YOU are.

Although your new boyfriend seems loving and caring, neither of you knows the other well enough after only three months to make a well-reasoned lifetime commitment. It shows insight that you are thinking this may be a rebound relationsh­ip rather than the real thing. Listen to your intuition. It is telling you something important, so slow down!

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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