The Oklahoman

Daughter’s relationsh­ip choices disappoint mom

- Dear Abby Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: I have a 23-year-old daughter, “Julia,” who I am close with. She has been in a relationsh­ip with “Joey,” a guy her age, for four years and living with him for the last 16 months. Joey’s a great kid who hasn’t had a lot of support in his life. I have been like a mother to him, and we are very close. He works hard, earned a college degree and plans on a career in law enforcemen­t. I love him like my own.

The issue is, Julia has been working a part-time evening job. She works with a man I’ll call “Nick,” who is 10 years older and has a child. She has started having an affair with him. She claims to love Joey but is “torn” because she’s bored and wants to “have fun.” I am upset and devastated.

From the sound of him, Nick doesn’t have many great qualities. I believe she’s making a grave mistake and risks losing a great future. I have tried getting her to see it, but I don’t think I’m getting through.

Should I continue or back off and see what happens?

I feel like I am betraying Joey because

I know about this.

– Torn-apart Mom

Dear Mom: As much as you might wish to, you cannot live Julia’s life for her. From your descriptio­n of your daughter, she’s not ready for marriage or even a permanent commitment. Joey may be the catch of a lifetime, but if she can’t appreciate him and the life he has to offer, he isn’t the man for her. Step back and allow her to make her own mistakes, because that’s how people learn. And when the truth comes out, tell Joey how sorry you are that things turned out the way they did and that you will always love him like a son.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: “Abby’s Favorite Recipes” and “More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $16 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Cookbookle­t Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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