The Oklahoman

Bridesmaid takes heat for missing shower

- Dear Abby Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: My daughter “Melanie” is very close with a cousin she grew up with. This cousin is getting married in five months, and Melanie will be a bridesmaid. The shower date was announced. Then my son-in-law’s best friend from childhood announced his wedding date. The wedding is on the same date as my niece’s shower.

The events are about four hours apart, so it isn’t possible for Melanie to go to both. She told her cousin she was sorry but she felt she needed to attend the wedding with her husband, who is in his friend’s wedding party.

The bride’s sister is giving my daughter a hard time. hat would you do, and how can I be helpful to my daughter without causing a bigger rift in the family? – Wedding Drama, Drama, Drama

Dear W.D.D.D.: The pressure your daughter is receiving from her cousins is inappropri­ate. She isn’t obligated to attend any event she doesn’t wish to, and her reason for skipping the shower is a valid one. She should choose a gift for her cousin, have it delivered and apologize ONCE for being unable to be there in person. Continuing to provide emotional support to your daughter is the best way you can be helpful to her.

Dear Abby: Four months ago, I noticed a lady walking down the street. She was older, and I could tell by her posture she was struggling. I offered to drive her so she didn’t have to walk. It turned out she was walking from a bus stop to a transit bus to catch it for work. She works in a different county than she lives in, so the first bus doesn’t take her all the way.

Long story short, I have been driving this lady to work from the bus stop every morning, picking her up from work and taking her home, picking her up on the weekend days she works, and then transporti­ng her to and from work. (I don’t work on the weekends.) She has recently started asking me for money.

How do I end this one-sided relationsh­ip? – Miffed in Michigan

Dear Miffed: The woman you have so generously befriended appears to be a bottomless pit. You were kind to her, and she is taking advantage of your generosity. Tell her you will no longer be driving her and be clear about the reasons. If you don’t, there is no end to what she will ask. Trust me, once you draw the line, this woman will manage just as before.

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