Woman searching for a partner loathes first dates
Dear Abby: I am a 30-year-old woman who very much wants to find someone to share my life and start a family with. The problem is I hate dating, at least the early stages. To me, first dates aren’t exciting; they’re just plain awkward and nerve-racking.
I have tried everything to change my outlook on dating, but I still go into every first date with the same enthusiasm as I’d have for a root canal. I truly want a partner in life, but I hate first dates so much I Googled, “Is arranged marriage for me?” Please, do you have any tips for how to have a more positive outlook on dating?
– Hates Dating in Maryland
Dear Hates Dating: As a matter of fact, I do. I don’t know what kind of first dates you are having, but it might benefit you to make them more casual – a lunch, a coffee, a movie or some other entertainment, so a conversation won’t become a third degree. Rather than stress, if you regard a first date as a chance to make a new friend rather than an audition for a life partner, you might enjoy it more and so would your date.
Dear Abby: I’m concerned because there is tension in my family and I don’t know how to resolve it. I’m 30. In the past, I’ve had anger issues that may have alienated some family members. I’ve worked on them and I think I’ve gotten better in recent years, but I’m still not perfect.
What concerns me is I think one of my brothers might be harboring resentment toward me, but he won’t say so directly. I feel bad about the things I’ve done wrong and I’m willing to do what I can to make up for them, but I don’t know how to do that if people won’t communicate with me. How can I make things right and show my family I really do care?
– Lost in California
Dear Lost: It seems you may not be the only person in your family with unresolved anger issues. People handle their emotions in different ways. While you were overt in demonstrating your anger, your brother is the opposite. He demonstrates his anger with PASSIVE-aggression. Show your family you care by continuing to work on your issues. Apologize to anyone you hurt and offer to make amends. Do the same with this brother in a written message, if necessary. After that, if he still refuses to communicate, recognize that the problem is his and stop making it your own.