Flower girl requests take on a modern twist
QUESTION: Our wedding is coming up in May and we have asked people to be the bridesmaids and groomsmen. They all replied yes. We have also asked the house party/wedding attendants to help with several other things like the guest book. Now, since there are no small children on either side of the family, would it be OK to ask a couple of my other friends to be flower girls?
CALLIE’S ANSWER: Of course! It's your wedding, this is a time to do what y'all want. People are there to celebrate you and your spouse's start of your lives. Best wishes!!
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: That would be such an honor and a great place to use your friends, and I think you could have fun with it. You can think of ways to have them do that and not be childish.
Traditionally, the flower girl is the youngest person and a way to incorporate little ones in the ceremony, although it's hard to trace the entries about flower girl history in wedding blogs and magazines back to the source material. Using little ones in this way apparently dates back centuries — to ancient Rome, even, and have been used to symbolize the transition of child to adult, innocence, fertility and more. I don't think modern-day weddings place so much significance on this history or the meaning of the tradition, but having an understanding of it will help you decide how to have your friends participate.
It is your wedding, so you can arrange many of the details the way you want to without detracting from the reason you're having a wedding in the first place. People are making many new traditions these days while keeping the spirit of the ceremony in place and, if you are following a religious tradition, while honoring the sacred part of the wedding. I have seen dogs be flower girls. Enjoy your friends and the flowers they bring to your wedding; let them carry your joy however you see fit.
HELEN’S ANSWER: How lovely of you to think of your friends in this manner. They will enjoy being in your wedding.
Recently, a friend of mine was asked to be a flower girl in her granddaughter's wedding. The bride wanted to include her grandmother in a special way. The grandmother looked lovely and preceded the bride and groom. She did not throw flower petals along the way but she carried flowers on her purse. It was very sophisticated.
The granddaughter previously took her to lunch, brought flowers for her and asked her to be in the wedding party. What a beautiful gesture!
GUEST’S ANSWER: Christina Nihira, community volunteer: Flower girls and ring bears often range from 3 to 8 years old. There is no formal rule that prevents you from giving this role to an adult. But proceed with caution as you do not want to upset a friend by asking them to serve a role that is usually reserved for small children. The Knot website recommends that you avoid having her dress in a “type of frilly, floor-length get-up a child attendant would wear.” They further suggest using a white or light-colored dress similar in style to your bridesmaids' and add a sash in the color of their dresses to tie all the attire together.
Since 2009, Callie, Lillie-Beth and Helen have written this generational etiquette column. They also include guest responses from a wide range of ages each week. So many years later, Callie is 20-plus; Lillie-Beth is 40-plus and Helen is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.