How to make holidays merry and bright for all ages
QUESTION: Is there a way to ensure my great-grandmother enjoys the holidays with us, and that the younger members of the family take time to talk to her during the family dinner? I have one grandson who always asks specific questions of older people, and he is a delight to have around. He listens, too, but the others are busy with their conversations about themselves.
CALLIE’S ANSWER: How amazing your great-grandmother is still with you! That being said, the other younger kids who ignore her sound young. There is an age that might be easier to sit still and have conversations with her. That age is 7 and over.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: See if you can call them over while you are talking to your great-grandmother and include them in the conversation. Lead the way with your own questions, and weave the children into it in like you would be introducing someone into another conversation. You can also talk to the children’s parents if you have this sort of relationship with them and ask how you can help include the children in the conversation because you love the idea of her getting to know them better and vice versa. Do it gently and positively, and keep in mind the benefits of mingling with all ages. You could also look for icebreaker ideas to involve everyone at the gathering.
HELEN’S ANSWER: It is wonderful to have all ages of family members together for the holidays. A reminder to young family members about “talking to everyone” is important, and it also important to give younger people some topics that they could talk about with all ages. I know one woman who gives a list of topics to each child of questions they could ask their older family members. The topics included “what do you do with your spare time?”; As a child, did you like to play games?”; Do you like to cook, if so, what is your favorite dish and how do you make it?” My friends says the list helps with to learn more about others and teaches children the value of knowing how to converse.
You might also relate things you know about the other cousins that could be conversation starters.
GUEST’S ANSWER: Patti Leeman, community volunteer: Off the top of my head, and not knowing your greatgrandmother, I would have to say there are too many unknowns for me to give an accurate answer. Does your greatgrandmother usually enjoy the family gatherings? You mention one grandson who is a delight. If there is also one whose behavior gives you reason to be concerned, you might plan to send him/ her off to spend the holidays with the turkeys, not to return until New Year’s Day.
In other words, the short time between now and the yule would not enough to teach the Golden Rule (Do unto others as they do unto you) or social proprieties (Never make a guest uncomfortable) to fun but cocky youngsters. Some children call such people EGRs (“Extra Grace Required” for friends on mission trips, and if you don’t know who that one is on the bus, it must be you.). Using place cards can also alleviate the problem at table, and give the EGR somebody he will talk to, seat Golden Boy by grandmother and everyone has someone friendly to enjoy.
If the grandmother plans to stay several days, however, there might be time for a family workshop on “the art of asking your seatmate to tell you something that you don’t know about him,” then share it with the table. Lots of laughs will follow, and Grannie will LOVE it.
Since 2009, Callie, Lillie-Beth and Helen have written this generational etiquette column. They also include guest responses from a wide range of ages each week. So many years later, Callie is 20-plus; Lillie-Beth is 40-plus and Helen is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.