Be willing to take responsibility for the past to make changes for the future
“I made a mistake.” “It is my fault.” These are words we seldom hear in our society. It is easier to blame someone else. What we overlook is blaming someone else for our behavior makes us a victim. It becomes someone else’s fault for how we behave, and when we put ourselves in the role of a victim, we render ourselves helpless to improve our lives. If we take responsibility for our behavior then we empower ourselves to change whatever is not working.
If you are in a jam because of career choices, relationships, or unhealthy habits, the first step in making a change is to understand you are the only person who can improve your life — not your parent, boss, spouse, child, or therapist.
Owning the problem and being willing to look at your part in it does not mean you spend a lot of time blaming yourself because that is a waste of your energy. Instead use your energy to discover new tools that can move you to where you’d like to be.
When a therapist works with someone in a counseling setting, it is sometimes deemed necessary to go back and revisit the past — not to place blame, but rather to understand what shaped you. Then you can learn new ways of thinking and processing in order to make more fulfilling choices for your life. A great resource for doing that, located in Oklahoma City, is the Green Shoe Foundation. Check it out at www.greenshoe.org.
While it is well worth the effort to make changes, be forewarned it may not always go smoothly. Those close to you are accustomed to your behavior, and when you begin to change, they may not be encouraging, but taking responsibility for your actions and being willing to move in a different direction gets easier with practice. The result is a quieter mind, deeper breathing, increased relaxation and more time and energy to invest in meaningful activities and healthier relationships.