The Oklahoman

Abuser tries to turn over new leaf to save family


Dear Abby: My wife and I have been married for five years, with two children. I have been putting my hands on her in such a bad way that she’s saying we are no longer a family and she wants a divorce. I need my wife and children back. It hurts me to stay away.

I’m going to church, Sunday school and Bible study. I have been praying many hours these past few weeks, and it is helping me. I will do anything and everything I can to get my family back because I don’t want to lose them. What can I do to get them back? Learning a Lesson in Nevada

Dear Learning: A good first step would be for you to gain some insight about what triggers you to act out violently. Was physical abuse an example that was set by your parents? Does it happen because you have a substance abuse problem? A course in anger management could help you break this destructiv­e pattern. Search online for a program near you. After that, if your wife sees you are making a sincere effort, she may trust you enough to risk reuniting. A warning, however: Do not pressure her. This will have to be HER decision.

Dear Abby: I’m friends with three people who got into a series of arguments. One of them no longer talks to the other two. I have remained friends with all three and I told them I want to remain neutral. I wasn’t around when the arguments took place, and I don’t want to be involved. One friend says because I’m still friends with the other two, I’m taking their side and condoning how they treated her.

I’m not condoning anyone’s behavior. The one friend has now stopped being friends with me. I would like to be friends with everyone. Is this person right about me condoning the other two’s actions by remaining silent and continuing my friendship with them?

Staying Out of it in Montana

Dear Staying Out: No, they are not. What they are doing is trying to manipulate you. Repeat what you told them, and tell them if they can’t accept that you want to remain neutral, they will have lost another friend.

Dear Abby: I have a new job in a small office. I have never been comfortabl­e meeting new people or learning a new job, so in order to appear friendly, I’d chime in to the office conversati­ons. A couple of times, I have revealed too much of my life. Later, I found out the owner audio records the office. Everyone else knew it, but I was NEVER informed. Now I’m more embarrasse­d than ever. I have since learned to selfcensor. Abby, is it a common and legal practice for employers to bug offices? Big Mouth in California

Dear Big Mouth: This is a question you should ask an attorney who specialize­s in employment law. In several states, it is illegal for an employer to record conversati­ons without first informing all the parties involved. You should have been informed at the time you were hired that this was company policy.

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