The Oklahoman

Attitude is everything when dealing with bad situations

- Your Life Charlotte Lankard Guest columnist Charlotte Lankard is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. Contact her at clankard@cox.net .

A reader reminded me of a story I wrote more than 10 years ago about a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.

“Well,” she said, “I think I’ll braid my hair today.”

She did and had a wonderful day. The next day, she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw she had only two hairs on her head.

“Hmm,” she said, “I think I’ll part my hair down the middle today.”

She did and had a grand day.

The next day, she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed she had only one hair on her head.

“Well,” she said, “Today I’m going to wear my hair in a ponytail.”

She did and had a fun, fun day. The next day, she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed there wasn’t a single hair on her head.

“Yea!” she exclaimed, “I don’t have to fix my hair today!”

I’m at the age, where hair is thinning, muscles are not quite as strong and flexible, and arms are beginning to hang like crepe. I needed to hear that story again! It is a reminder that attitude is important.

When we find ourselves in a situation we don’t like, it is wise to cultivate the habit of reframing. To reframe is to tell the story in a way where you are the hero instead of the victim by changing the focus from a negative to how you can think or behave in a way that makes it bearable — and sometimes even fun, as did the woman with a balding head.

A quote often seen is: “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” Rain can be inconvenie­nt weather that messes up your hair or interferes with your golf game. Or, you can welcome it thankfully knowing the grass will again turn green. If you make a mistake, you can call yourself stupid — or wiser.

“If you think you are beaten, you are. If you think you dare not, you don’t. IF you’d like to win but think you can’t, it’s almost certain you won’t.” (anonymous)

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