Is lying acceptable these days or is it just hereditary

DEARANNIE» Is lying something that is just more acceptable these days, or is it particular to my family?

I try to be an honest person. I am beginning to feel as though that is a fault in my character. I don’t “mis-recall” events of the past. I don’t make up someone else’s words or attitudes to make my narrative more interesting to my listener. I don’t invent some past wrongdoing to excuse my behavior. I think it is a grave sin to outright tell a lie about someone. But I have family members who do all of the above.

Is there a recessive gene in my family? Or do I just see this because they ARE family? Sometimes I think no one values honesty anymore or puts importance on accuracy when talking. At times, I have had to confront family members about what they have said. I am then called self-righteous. Other times, I have just curtailed contact to avoid hearing the tales they tell. They seem to feel that if you can’t prove what they say to be a lie, then it is as good as truth. OK, so everyone has told a white lie or perhaps lied if backed into a corner, but this seems to be beyond that. Is lying more acceptable in today’s culture? Am I an “honesty freak” or self-righteous? — Still Believing Honesty Is

the Best Policy

DEAR STILL BELIEVING» Freak? No. Self-righteous? Well...

I won’t deny you your props for always telling the truth and encouraging others to do so. Honesty is a virtue. But so are patience and humility.

Look, I don’t know exactly what your family members are lying about. If your aunt exaggerates the number of hours her flight was delayed because she wants sympathy, let her have her pity party. Sometimes people take artistic license to make their anec- dotes into more dramatic stories, and that’s fine (as long as it’s not a lie that could end up hurting someone).

The fact is that everybody has faults, and keeping tally of other people’s transgressions doesn’t make you any happier or them any better. It just makes you more judgmental.

DEARANNIE» Perhaps this is an odd letter to send to you, but you have such a huge readership that I am hoping I can get an answer to my query.

I am extremely allergic to shellfish (a very common allergy) and was surprised to find out restaurants fry shellfish, chicken, potatoes, etc., in the same oil. Can this create a dangerous situation for those allergic to shellfish? Thanks for your help. — Hoping Not to Be “Shell-Shocked”

DEAR SHELL-SHOCKED» It’s dangerous for those with allergies to consume food cooked in the same oil as shellfish. The Food Allergy Research & Education organization (http://www.safefare.org) offers a template to create a chef card — a wallet-sized breakdown of your allergies you can present to servers to make everyone’s life easier (and you safer) when you’re eating out. FARE also offers a searchable database of allergy-aware restaurants. Be careful of sitting near kitchens in restaurants, too, as shellfish protein can become airborne in the steam-released during cooking.

Because allergic reactions to shellfish often constrict breathing, it’s advised that you carry an epinephrine auto-injector at all times.

People who aren’t sure whether they have food allergies should visit an allergist. About 60 percent of people who are allergic to shellfish experience their first reactions as adults.

DEARANNIE » We built a custom home back in 2005. Even though we checked out the contractors beforehand, they walked off the job and took all of our money. We were certain that we would win a lawsuit and took out loans and cash advances to try to finish the house.

Long story short, the house was never finished, and our lawsuit never went to court. Our attorney advised us to file for bankruptcy and then discharge it to stay in the house longer. Our creditors are sending 1099s to the IRS. Their thought is that if we didn’t pay off the debts, we must have used the money as income.

My husband and I disagree as to what to do. Should we make arrangements with the collection agencies to pay off the debts, seeing as we did run up these amounts, or should we just wait until the 1099s showup? Paying off the debts would not change our credit scores. If we were to leave where we are living now, we wouldn’t be able to pass a credit check to rent. We are seniors on a fixed income and don’t know what to do. With the bad contractors, bad choices and bad legal advice, we don’t seemto have a future.

— Not-So-Golden Years

DEAR NOT-SO-GOLDEN » I know you’re under extreme duress right now, but it’s not so dire as you think. There are nonprofit resources for seniors in your shoes. Your best option is to enlist the help of a credit counseling agency, which can help you determine the best way to approach your situation. Consult the National Foundation for Credit Counseling at debtadvice.org to find one. Stay away from any for-profit agencies, which are typically predatory and would only worsen your situation.

Be grateful for health and loved ones. You might be under a lot of stress right now, but you do have a future. Try to find the sliver of a silver lining where you can.