The Oneida Daily Dispatch (Oneida, NY)
RAISING AWARENESS
Mom hopes son’s assault leads to less bullying for all
ONEIDA>> A mother and her son are rallying the greater Oneida area to take a stand against bullying by sharing their personal, traumatic experience in order advocate against violence.
On Monday, Oct. 3, Misty Church, and her 11-year- old son, Ben, are encouraging family, friends and the community to don blue to help raise awareness of bullying and violence. October is National Bullying Prevention Awareness Month, and Monday is Blue Shirt Day, the first Monday in October in which the national anti-bullying organization STOMP Out Bullying encourages people across the globe to don blue to raise awareness.
Ben and Misty are asking all those who wear blue to share photographs of themselves sporting blue on Facebook to further their mission to raise awareness.
“Your child shouldn’t have to deal with bullying. Nobody should,” says Misty Church.
And while the churches and others in the community - Holy Cross Academy, St. Patrick’s Elementary, Nye Automotive, the Oneida Rotary, City of Oneida employees - will don blue on Monday, Misty Church does not want Monday to be the end of her family’s efforts. As a result, she is working with Karing Kitchen Coordinator Melissa King to continue the fight against all forms of violence, not just bullying.
“The message is promoting peace within our community,” King said of their combined efforts. “We are the ones who can change the violence.”
King explained that bullying is not just a school issue, but rather a commu- nity issue. She said that parents, community members, youths, and community leaders all have a responsibility to help curb the recent violence in the city, adding that everyone has been impacted by violence at some point in their lives. Wearing blue on Monday, King says, is a good way of starting the conversation about violence in the community.
“I don’t want it to end Oct. 3,” Church said, revealing tentative plans for a candlelight vigil against violence and creating more recreational activities for children. “I want a commitment to bring the community back together, everyone working together to raise all kids as a community.”
Misty and Ben’s motivation for “Wear Blue for Ben” has been well-publicized after Ben was attacked by three of his peers while walking home from school. Following the encounter, Benwas left with black eyes and needed three stitches.
When Ben first arrived home covering his bloodied face, he asked his mother for an ice pack, saying other children punched him in the face on the way home from school.
Church admits she was a “raging bull inside,” but then she thought about the children who had attacked her son and considered what was going on in their lives.
That empathy led her to search for a “positive solution” to the violence her son experienced, so she turned to social media to tell Ben’s story.
Since then, Church said she has been overwhelmed by support from people both locally and across the country. Some parents have shared stories like Ben’s, where their children were bullied by their peers, while some have shared their own experiences as the victims of bullying.
Among the parents who reached out to Church after reading about Ben’s story, is one who fears her child is a bully and does know how to stop it. Church’s response to that parent is indicative of how she wants Ben’s story to serve as a lesson in the prevention of bullying and violence.
“You’re trying to get help for your child,” Church told the parent. “You’re doing everything you can. I’m proud of you.”
In other instances, other children have reached out to the Church family, offering their protection or in the case of a local high school senior, even offered to take Ben shopping to take his mind off the matter
nother child told the Churches that upon reading Ben’s story, he finally had the courage to speak out against his tormenters.
The support from wellwishers who have reached out has been overwhelming, Church says.
Misty says that Ben’s wounds are mostly healed, and though her son wants to raise awareness in order to combat bullying, he still has moments in which he struggles with the anger he feels toward his attackers.
“He’s battling with they hurt me and I want to hurt them back,” she said, explaining that he is worried it may happen again. The mom also said a group of middle schoolers have become monitors of sorts, following Ben to ensure he is not a victim again.
“Everyone is watching out for him,” Church said, adding that one of the children who was involved has since reached out to apologize.
As those moved by Ben’s story don blue on Monday, Church will be meeting with Oneida City School District officials, Oneida City Mayor Leo Matzke, and other city officials to discuss ways to stop bullying and violence in the city.
Matzke said is working to create a Citizens on Patrol group, similar to a Neigh- borhood Watch, and have a budget line to provide for organizational items and identification vests in the budget by 2017.
The purpose of the group is to create a constant presence on the streets because police cannot patrol the entire city simultaneously. Members of the group would receive required, basic training in order to know how to respond to violence or crime they witness.
“People are more committed when they have skin in the game,” Matzke said.
Themayor also discussed the perception of violence in the city as a whole following a four-month span in which there was an attempted murder, stabbing murder, and the assault on Ben Church.
“We are a safe community,” Matzke said, calling the three incidents isolated and a sign of the troubled times the entire country is in, “Pulling together, we’re even safer and better.”