Guy in his late 20s wants to know why significant others snoop

DEAR ANNIE >> Why do women think it’s OK to snoop through boyfriends’ phones or social media? It’s such an invasion of privacy.

For background: I’m a guy in my late 20s. I’m trustworthy ( I think). I’ve never cheated on a girlfriend. Yet a few women I’ve dated over the past few years have snooped. One read my emails when I left myself logged in on her computer. ( I found out because a few emails were mysteriously already marked as read. Not great at covering her tracks.) The other didn’t exactly snoop, but I noticed when she was showing me something on her phone that she had been Googling my ex- girlfriend’s name. I took both those things as red flags. I want to date someone who is secure enough not to be jealous or suspicious.

I was talking to a group of my female friends about this, and all except one admitted that they’ve snooped, too. Most said they know it’s bad, but one girl defended it: “If he’s got nothing to hide, what’s the big deal? And if he is messing around, I’d rather know so I can move on.” Isn’t that sad?

I guess I’m just venting at this point, but I would love to hear your take on this one.

— Disappointed Dude

DEAR DISAPPOINTED >> My take is the same as yours. Trust is the foundation of a good relationship. If you feel that you can’t trust your partner, to the point that you’ll invade his or her privacy, then what’s the point? There is no love without trust. Have faith in your relationship, and it will flourish or not, but at least you’ll have given yourself wholly to it. I hope the next woman you date understands this. DEAR ANNIE >> I need some guidance. I’m new to the dating scene after my very longterm relationship fell apart earlier this year. I feel like a newbie. What’s normal? I haven’t dated in almost 10 years. Back when I was on the scene before, people weren’t all meeting each other through apps. That whole prospect scares me, so I’ve been trying to meet guys the old- fashioned way so far.

Anyway, I’ve been seeing this guy for a little over a month, but we’ve only gone on four dates. Is that average, or is he not interested? My most recent boyfriend and I lived together for several years, so I’m used to hanging out almost every day. I find myself wanting to text or call this guy throughout the week. I don’t want to suffocate him, but if he’s not really into me, I’d like to find out so I can move on.

— Anxious

DEAR ANXIOUS >> I know it’s easier said than done, but for goodness’ sake, relax. Going out once a week is normal. Enjoy the slow pace, and focus on yourself. If love is going to kindle between you two, it will need oxygen.

DEAR ANNIE >> “Playing games” isn’t my thing. Women need to be more straightforward. I’m tired of being led on or given the “hard to get” routine. Recently, I went out with a woman, “Stephanie,” who works at a restaurant that’s in the same shopping cen- ter as the retail place where I work. We always chatted when we saw each other in the parking lot and were what you might call “simpatico.”

We got happy- hour drinks at a bar across the street recently, and she seemed into me. We got on really well, and I was cracking her up. We ended the night with a hug. The next night, I texted her, asking whether she wanted to go out to dinner sometime. After an hour of no response, I sent a follow- up text. She texted back and said she would love to get dinner sometime but specified that she only wanted to be friends and didn’t want to give me the wrong idea. Ugh. I told her thanks but that I didn’t need her pity friendship.

My question to you is: Why did she go out for drinks in the first place? Why didn’t she just turn me down from the getgo? And I’d also like to point out that she had no problem letting me pay for our drinks at the bar.

— Too Nice

DEAR NICE >> This woman is not in your debt. She simply wasn’t interested, and she did you the courtesy of letting you know that quickly, which is pretty rare these days. And you returned her kindness by spurning her friendship? Yeah, real nice.