Son invited ex to live with us

DEARANNIE » I am a 58- yearold woman who shares a split- level house with my adult son, “Brad.” Brad lives downstairs in what is essentially a separate two- bedroom apartment with his 10- year- old daughter, although it’s technically one unit. Brad and I split the rent evenly.

Last year, my mother was dying, and I went to stay with her for some time to say goodbye. When I returned home, I found that my ex- husband, “Lester,” was living in the downstairs apartment with our son and granddaughter.

Apparently, Brad and his daughter invited Lester to visit while I was away. Well, six months later, Lester is still living there with them. Lester is not a very nice person. We were married for 16 years.

I asked Brad to ask Lester to leave. He refuses, saying that he feels bad telling him to go. I have asked Lester to leave, and he laughs at me. He says, “This is my son’s house.”

— Put Out

DEARPUTOUT » It’s bad enough that your son invited a long- term guest to stay at the house you two share without first checking with you. It’s even worse that the surprise guest is your ex.

Implore your son to try seeing your side of things. Ask him to imagine how he’d feel if you invited his ex to live with you. Sure, Lester is Brad’s dad, and, of course, they should spend time together. But there’s no reason it needs to be at the home that you two agreed to share together, as mutually respectful roommates.

If he doesn’t budge, take a look at your lease. There’s a good chance that there’s a clause regarding long- term guests. Consider going to the landlord or property manager about the issue.

DEARANNIE » I’ve been seeing my friend for four years. We’re technically just friends, but there has always been a romantic tension between us. I do call him pet names like “Bae,” and he does the same to me. He’s always insisting that we’re not together. Yet, if I tell himthat I’m going on a date, he gets upset. I have no idea what to call our relationship. I just need him to tell me what this is.

— Lonely

DEARLONELY » I’d call it a con job. He’s using you for validation, to feel attracted and wanted, yet he refuses to commit to you after four years. Stop seeing him.

DEARANNIE » I felt I needed to comment regarding the criticism from “Call Me From Home,” who was frustrated that people only called her when they were driving, as if they only wanted to talk when they had nothing better to do.

I, too, use the free time I have driving to call my mom and friends. However, even when I arrive at my destination ( usually home), I have on most calls sat inmy car parked in my driveway and continued my conversation until its natural end. Works for me and the person I called. While I understand the writer being miffed, I believe getting a call while someone is driving is better than never getting a call.

— Marguerite M.

DEARMARGUERITE » I have to note again that it’s important to exercise extra caution when talking on the phone while driving, as it reduces our ability to perceive hazards.

But you make a good point that one shouldn’t feel slighted for receiving these road calls.

DEARANNIE » I’m single but wanting a relationship. How does one go about dating in the current climate, with pandemic restrictions in place?

— Looking for Mr. Right

DEAR LOOKING » This is not an ideal time to be dating new people, but the reality is that people crave companionship. Dating websites are the main, and perhaps only, way to meet folks at the moment. Many sites offer free basic memberships and affordable premium memberships, such as Okcupid and Plenty of Fish. Try one out.

When you find a promising match, try going on a “virtual date” — e. g., order takeout from the same restaurant, and video chat while you eat it. Eventually, youmay decide that you want to try an in- person date. Take the usual precautions of meeting in a safe, public place, along with the pandemic precautions of staying six feet apart, wearing masks and meeting outside. And communicate your safety expectations ahead of time.

Sure, this is a cumbersome amount of hoops to jump through. But it won’t be too long before life resumes more normally, and first dates will return to their normal level of awkwardness. In the meantime, embrace the slower pace of courtship during COVID- 19.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e- book. Visit http:// www. creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@ creators. com.