Family Introductions

DEAR ANNIE >> My son, “Rick,” and a former friend of his, “Cherie,” had a baby together. I love Cherie and the baby so much, and I’m fortunate that I get to see my grandson every other week. My issue is, how do I introduce Cherie to family members who have never met her?

I’m also not sure how to introduce the woman whom Rick is currently dating. I really don’t care for her, but they live together. How should I introduce her to the family?

— Mum Mom

DEAR MUM >> Keep it simple. Introduce Cherie by name and as the mother of your grandson. Introduce Rick’s girlfriend as Rick’s girlfriend because that’s what she is, whether you like it or not.

DEAR ANNIE >> My husband and I have been married for five years. We have a beautiful daughter, and we’ve got a son on the way. But I keep finding my husband using dating websites and chatrooms for singles. When I ask him about it, he gets angry and says, “That’s from months ago!” But whenever I check the browser history, there are always more recently visited websites. He says that he never talks to anyone, just looks. How can I make him see that I love him and that those are not sites for married people? Should I just give up and end the marriage? I’m at a loss.

— Taken for Granted

DEAR TAKEN >> You don’t need to make him see that those sites aren’t for married people. He already knows. He just doesn’t care or is too addicted to the rush to stop. Whatever the case, his blatant disregard for your feelings is shocking, and the fact that he’s doing all this while you’re pregnant adds insult to injury. If you two are going to truly work through this, it will be with the help of a marriage counselor. If he refuses to go, then it might be time to start speaking discreetly with an attorney about your options.

DEAR ANNIE >> You have had several letters recently about people who drink too much. I have been doing some research on the subject since my niece died several weeks ago of organ failure after years of drinking. She would not take the advice of anyone, but now her problems are over.

The best thing I’ve found is some research done by William Porter, a British solicitor (lawyer) who quit drinking seven years ago. He has written several books on the subject of alcohol. His site is http://www.alcoholexplained.com. The first five chapters of his book “Alcohol Explained” can be read free online. Once you read what alcohol does to your brain, you will never touch it again. He has several other books and videos. All are very thoughtprovoking.

— Carolyn A.

DEAR CAROLYN >> I am so sorry that this insidious disease claimed the life of your niece. I read the five chapters available online of “Alcohol Explained.” As you noted, the author is a lawyer, not a doctor, but he offers a plain-spoken, useful overview of the chemical workings behind the disease of alcoholism. I don’t share the view of Alcoholics Anonymous that he conveys in the introduction. However, I do know that some folks struggling with problematic drinking would like options besides AA, and self-education through books such as these can be helpful. (Other good options include Families Anonymous and Lifering Secular Recovery.)

DEAR ANNIE >> I feel your advice didn’t go far enough when responding to “Am I Wrong,” the man whose father-in-law is constantly making jabs at him about his kids’ religious training and other matters. He was ready to divorce his wife over the FIL’S mistreatment. You essentially encouraged him to be patient with his wife and not hold her dad’s behavior against her. I disagree. His wife should have stood up to her parents years ago. She should have said: “Mom, Dad, I love you, but if you continue to make disparaging remarks about my husband or me, you will be seeing a LOT less of us. Have I made myself clear?” That’s it. Hard stop. At this point, the letter writer and his wife need to work with a licensed marriage and family therapist to learn how to present a united front to her parents.

— Debbie

DEAR DEBBIE >> Seeing a marriage counselor would be an excellent idea for this couple, as the fatherin-law has saddled them with plenty of baggage over the years that they’ll need to unpack if they’re to live happily together. Thanks for the note.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http>>//www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.