The Oneida Daily Dispatch (Oneida, NY)

Shooting Your Shot


DEAR ANNIE >> I know this awesome guy. Let’s call him “Luke.” We’re both teens, and we see each other because our little sisters are best friends and our dads get along well.

I really like Luke

— a lot. He’s very polite, kind and funny. My problem is that I don’t know if he feels the same way about me. There are times when I could almost swear that our feelings are mutual, but then he says or does something that makes me feel unsure. I really don’t know what to think. Any advice that you have is appreciate­d.

— Confused About Feelings

DEAR CONFUSED >> Shoot your shot! Ask him out. There’s a very good chance he feels just as you do. And if not, he’ll be flattered, and you can move on, knowing where you stand. Let us know how it goes.

DEAR ANNIE >> I enjoy reading your column every day and usually agree with your advice. However, I think you may have missed the mark with “Am I Petty,” who reconnecte­d with her ex-husband and is now dating him again. He met a woman on a dating app while they were briefly broken up for three weeks. She stated that she was afraid to broach the subject with him because he gets very upset. That statement tells me that he may have been abusive and controllin­g in their relationsh­ip. Between the lines, I read that this man thinks only of himself and has come back to roost with a woman that he thinks will put up with him — again. You advised her to take a step back and consider whether the relationsh­ip was right for her. I think she should take that step, turn and run — not walk — in the opposite direction. She divorced him once and is asking for more heartache if she continues to let this man manipulate her.

— Know the Type

DEAR KNOW THE TYPE >>: I appreciate this insight, though I’m sorry you had occasion to gain it. It does sound as though “Am I Petty’s” husband is, at the very least, somewhat emotionall­y manipulati­ve and engaging in gaslightin­g. Readers can learn more about this practice and how to combat it by visiting https:>>//www. and entering “gaslightin­g” into the site search bar.

DEAR ANNIE >> Regarding “Should I Let Go for My Own Sanity”: She’s in a crummy situation, to put it mildly, but maybe getting involved with some people who’d be a little more appreciati­ve would make her feel better. Mentoring a student, reading to students, visiting with elderly people, whatever she might like — she might get a little more appreciati­on and feel a little better. It doesn’t change the situation with her sons, but she might see that their opinions aren’t the only ones in the world. Just a suggestion.

— Sue M.

DEAR SUE >> And a very good one, at that. Thanks for writing.

DEAR ANNIE >> I just read the letter from “Driving Me Crazy” regarding scaring passengers in her car. As I read the letter, I couldn’t help but immediatel­y wonder if the letter writer is struggling with ADHD symptoms and could possibly be helped by seeing a doctor about the condition. As someone with ADHD, I know that reckless driving is a big symptom. Many, many people with ADHD report having similar issues with driving. For many people with ADHD, driving is extra dangerous, and I hope the letter writer will talk to her doctor. It’s worth a conversati­on if she hasn’t ever been diagnosed with ADHD.

— Rhys

DEAR RHYS >> I hadn’t considered the risks ADHD poses while driving. This is indeed worth a conversati­on with one’s doctor. Appreciate the tip.

DEAR ANNIE >> This is in response to “Vexed by the Ex Texts,” who didn’t like that her husband still regularly spoke with his ex-wife. My husband and I are in our 70s, and we both have children from previous marriages. We both have a very friendly relationsh­ip with his ex-wife and her current husband. We socialize at family gatherings in celebratio­n of our children’s accomplish­ments and our grandchild­ren’s. We are “friends” on Facebook. Our relationsh­ip with his ex has made it possible for our children to be friends, for his children not to have to decide who to spend time with and for family gatherings to be fun. Plus, we just enjoy being together. We feel blessed to know one another.

— Blended Family

DEAR BLENDED >> What a beautiful relationsh­ip. Thanks for your testimony to how we expand our hearts and worlds whenever we choose love over bitterness.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www. creatorspu­ for more informatio­n. Send your questions for Annie Lane to

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