Relationship red flag

DEAR ANNIE »

My daughter is a 57-year-old divorced mom of four. All of her children live with her except for one, who is a college student.

She has been divorced for 10 years. Her husband was having an affair and denied it, but my daughter has proof he did have an affair.

Since her divorce, and even prior to the divorce, I have helped her financially. I am a widow. Now it seems that she is having very little to do with me. She calls occasionally, but I have only seen her for about an hour in 2020 and so far this year. I am deeply hurt. I recently had major surgery, and she did not come for my surgery. She was moving the day of my surgery.

She called and sent a gift, but that’s it. Do I have the right to be hurt? She lives two hours away.

I do not think I have offended her in any way.

I should add that she does have a new boyfriend who she sees on weekends.

— Hurt Grandmother

DEAR GRANDMOTHER » Of course you have a right to be hurt. Feelings are never wrong so long as you acknowledge them and move forward. Perhaps your hunch that she is spending time with a new boyfriend might be a contributing factor to her distance. She is managing four children and a new relationship, so for the time being, try to cut her some slack.

Visit her more often, if you can make the trip. Once she sees that you are making an effort, she will be more willing to make an effort to see you. But by all means, tell her this. Don’t start from a place of guilting her, but rather from a place of love. Tell her that you genuinely miss her company.

DEAR ANNIE » I got back with my ex after two years of separation. We have a beautiful baby girl together, and I really love this lady. When I suggested marriage, she was happy and looking forward to it; however, out of the blue, she changed her mind and even asked for space. She told me that I should start calling her before I go to visit her and our girl.

This really confused me, and I even started suspecting she was seeing someone else. This has really affected me greatly, and I don’t know if I should even go ahead with the marriage anymore.

Kindly advise; am I being unrealistic and selfish?

— Confused

DEAR CONFUSED » No, I don’t think you are being unrealistic or selfish at all. I think you are confused and hurt. And for good reason. A complete change in attitude in any relationship is a red flag that something is not right. The best way to figure out what is going on is to tell her how you feel and ask her why her behavior toward you has shifted so dramatically.

DEAR ANNIE » One of our two sweet dogs died recently. Do you have any suggestions for how to explain it to our two children, who are 3 and 7 years old? She had heart disease that progressed quickly — within a month and mainly over the last five days of her sweet life. Thank you very much.

— Explaining to Our

Children

DEAR EXPLAINING » Losing a pet is always difficult, whether you are a child or an adult. They were a member of your family that was with you for too short a time. I am very sorry for your loss. When explaining to your children, avoid saying that they just went to sleep; rather, tell them that they will not be physically coming back. Try to find children’s books that address this issue. “Dog

Heaven” by Cynthia Rylant is a great one. I also always find comfort in reading the classic “Rainbow Bridge” poem...

“Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

“When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

“All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

“They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

“You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

“Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together ... “

— Author Unknown

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http:// www.creatorspublishing. com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@ creators.com.