The Oneida Daily Dispatch (Oneida, NY)

Time for ex’s family to help


DEAR ANNIE » I’ve known my friend for nine years. We dated for about two years and then broke up. We were back and forth with each other, so we decided in 2016 that we would get married, but then we ended the relationsh­ip again. We remain friends.

Toward the end of 2019, “Edward” got seriously sick. He was so sick that he had two operations that left him with aches and pain, and loss of memory. He remembered things on a day-by-day basis. He will never be able to go back to work; he’s disabled now.

I’ve been helping him out all this time, but now it’s time for his family to take over. I do everything for him because he doesn’t know how to do much anymore.

I advised his family that by the end of the year, I will not be helping him anymore and told them that they need to step up and come take over caring for him. Edward thinks that I’m wrong for this, but he doesn’t understand that I gave up my personal life to be there for him all these years.

For two years, my life has been on hold, and it’s time that I get my life back. He’s telling all his neighbors that I’m leaving him by himself and that he doesn’t know how he’s going to live without help. He needs 24-hour care.

It’s time for his family to help out. To be clear, there’s nothing between Edward and me. We’re just friends. I guess I felt sorry for him because no one else would come when he needed the help.

Please give me some feedback.

— Tired Friend in Vegas

DEAR TIRED » Even though he’s not expressing it, Edward is incredibly fortunate to have someone in his life as compassion­ate and supportive as you are.

Without you, he would likely have had a very different experience these last two years.

With his health deteriorat­ing as quickly and severely as you’ve described, it sounds like the care Edward really needs is beyond what any one person can give him. Now is the time for his family to consider athome aides or living care facilities equipped with resources and staff that can better and more easily provide for him.

DEAR ANNIE » I am a single 70-year-old lady. I just found out I am going to have to wear a CPAP due to breathing issues when I sleep. Those things are so unattracti­ve.

I would like to find love again, but would a guy understand if I have to wear one at night? Or should I just give up on finding love?

— Dare to Dream

DEAR DARE » Any man bothered by your sleep setup is clearly not one worthy of lying in your bed.

And don’t overlook the silver lining here: The time in which you’re wearing the CPAP is when you’re fast asleep. Presumably, your Mister will be, too.

DEAR ANNIE » I have a child with a woman who is 20 years younger than me. Having a child was not planned. I’m grateful for our child, but I’m not in love with her mother. I’ve tried to explain to her that I love her for the mother she is but that I’m not in love with her.

She found old letters in my closet from an ex that I was in love with over six years ago, and she wonders why I can’t love her the way I did my ex. I tried explaining to her that she isn’t my ex and what we have is completely different from that relationsh­ip.

Shortly after our daughter’s birth, things got rough between us, and she took my daughter and everything I’d bought for her. I did not get to see her for two months. Through a lot of court and financial upsets, I finally got to see my daughter. We now live together, just so that I can see my daughter and know that she’s taken care of — but I’m still not in love with her mother, nor do I trust her.

How do you get someone to understand you’re not in love with them and it’s best to go our separate ways co-parenting our child than to live in a distrustfu­l, jealousy-filled environmen­t? Avoiding each other isn’t a healthy environmen­t in which to raise our daughter.

— Loving Father, Concerned for his Daughter’s Well-being

DEAR LOVING FATHER » Everyone comes into our life for a reason. Some are meant to stay forever. Some are meant to teach us something. Some are meant to offer companions­hip or love or guidance.

You share a child with this woman, and that is something very special. But it doesn’t mean she is a good match as your life partner and vice versa. If she doesn’t understand that message, it’s best to speak with a couples therapist or mediator to help you two communicat­e.

And do let her know that although she is not the love of your life, she has given you something no one else can: your daughter.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspu­ for more informatio­n. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@

 ?? ??

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from United States