In-laws don’t show affection

DEAR ANNIE » My relationship with my in-laws is a bit strange. I have three children, and my husband’s parents have never shown love or that they care for them, or for my husband and me, for that matter. It breaks my heart that my children do not have a relationship with them, as they are their only grandparents.

When I visit their home, they do not have pictures of my children. They only have pictures of my father-in-law’s grandchildren from his daughter with a previous marriage.

I’ve been married to my husband for more than a decade, and I have never felt accepted by them or even loved. They have not shown any affection toward us or my children. Every time we talk on the phone, it is always awkward, and they never speak to my children the way grandparents should. I would like to cut ties with them and keep them out of our lives. What should I do?

— Broken Heart

DEAR BROKEN HEART »

Cutting ties with them seems a bit extreme. Have you asked yourself if you have accepted and loved them? Have you shown affection toward them? I am not blaming you for the relationship but simply suggesting that you look at yourself and how you have treated them.

Why not give them a picture in a nice frame of their grandchildren? Maybe they don’t know how to print out the photos and your father-inlaw’s daughter gave them the photo. Send them love and acceptance if that is what you would like from them. If they still cannot return it, just accept that it is their loss and they are missing out on all the love and joy that grandchildren

can give.

DEAR ANNIE » I read Ann Landers and “Dear Abby” when I was a kid and have continued reading all the Anns and Annies since. (Does this date me, or what?!)

The recent letter from “Not So Black and White”: as many others have over the years: left me in tears. This lady’s concern was about her hateful, racist mother-in-law and her relationship with her 7-yearold stepdaughter.

As I was folding up the newspaper to toss, I spontaneously sent up a prayer for this family, asking God to soften this woman’s heart so that healing can take place in the family. Then it occurred to me that I should do that every time I read your column.

I haven’t made New Year’s resolutions in decades, until this year.

I challenge all of your readers to send up prayers of healing as they read your column. Costs you nothing but your time.

Happy New Year, and God Bless.

— Sending Warm

Thoughts

DEAR SENDING WARM

THOUGHTS » Thank you for your kind words. Your intention to send love and good thoughts to people struggling is greatly appreciated by me and more readers than you know.

DEAR ANNIE » A while ago, you polled readers on whether or not they’d have children if they had it to do all over again. I wanted to share my story.

When I was in first grade, our teacher asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. I said a mother and a teacher. Well, motherhood came first. Three years after I married, I started having children, two boys and two girls in five years. I enjoyed it. But there were hard times, too. The worst thing that happened was losing a child. My eldest son died of cancer in my arms when he was 17.

Now to fulfilling my first-grade dream in another way. A year after he died, I went to college and became a third-grade teacher when I graduated. I loved teaching this grade, with the children’s eagerness to learn and their love of their teachers. I taught for 20 years and retired when the new principal and state laws had us only teaching to the tests and it was no longer any fun for the students or me.

Now my three living children are grown. I have six grown grandchildren and seven great-grandchildren. After my husband left me, I bought a small farm, and my living son remodeled the pathetic old house for me and bought 8 acres next to me, where he now lives.

So yes, I’m happy to have had children, and even dealing with the death of one, I still have my memories of what a special son he was: a musician, magician, poet and reader with a sense of humor.

— 80-Year-old Happy

Grandmother

DEAR HAPPY GRANDMOTHER » Thank you so much for sharing your inspiring story. It sounds as if your son was a beautiful soul. May he rest in peace. I wish you and the rest of your family a blessed 2019.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology: featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation: is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www. creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@ creators.com.