The Oneida Daily Dispatch (Oneida, NY)

Is my online romance going anywhere?

- Send your questions for Annie Lane to

DEAR ANNIE >> I am in contact with this guy who is 52 years old, and I am 58. I have never actually met him; he said he was planning to visit me, but when he arrived at the airport to fly to see me, he realized he needed more money for his flight. I told him to go home and said we can meet another time.

Then he told me he had to go to France for work, and we talked when he was there. After he returned to the States, it seemed that things had changed, that he was more serious about me.

I told him I was coming to visit him, and I spent Christmas in the town where he lives, but he ended up getting COVID and was not allowed to have visitors because he was in quarantine. So I came home. And now we talk, but not a lot.

However, after he saw how much I cared for him, he said he would visit me for two weeks with his “teammates,” and I’m not sure what that means. I really want to believe him but don’t know anymore.

I’ve tried to quit talking to him, and it’s not working. He says he loves me so much. But I don’t know what to believe. — Relationsh­ip Question


How can he love you so much if he has never met you? If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, then it probably is a duck. In other words, it sounds like this relationsh­ip is not going anywhere.

DEAR ANNIE >> Over the years, I have seen letters in your column dealing with the question of what gifts to buy for people who have it all, and I wanted to share my thoughts in case any of your readers find them helpful.

Like many seniors, I don’t need much. At 73, I don’t have as much energy as I used to, but I still enjoy a plate of homemade cookies, banana or pumpkin bread, fudge or pies, all kinds of pies. My favorites are packed in small sizes so I can eat some now and freeze some for another week. Even a small casserole or two of comfort food like lasagna, meatloaf, or tuna and noodles goes a long way to help out.

There are so many things I enjoy but don’t take the time to make for myself anymore.

It might be a cliche, but some tasty smoked cheese, salami and crackers or bagel chips to munch on — those would be great gifts, so yummy when sitting home on a chilly winter night. They are things I don’t buy for myself. Mini bottles of wine, perhaps, so I don’t have to open and spoil a large bottle, are always appreciate­d.

— Homemade is Best


Thank you for sharing your gift giving suggestion­s. I have no doubt they will come in handy for many readers who want to do something special for friends or loved ones. Your gifts sound delicious.

DEAR ANNIE >> Your advice for “Lost but Still in Love” was perfect. Being a health care profession­al, I had an understand­ing of what was transpirin­g when my wife started to enter pre-menopause, and I could support her during this transition into menopause. I honestly have no idea how so many women go through this with so little support from health care profession­als. So, thank you for your response and giving a sound explanatio­n as to what may be transpirin­g. This leads me to another concern. Why do women’s health care profession­als not include the patient’s partner in educating them? There is no literature in the waiting room for men to read to learn more about their female partners. No practition­er asks me to join them to discuss any future plan of care for my wife so that together we can meet her needs. So, it doesn’t surprise me that the writer doesn’t know what to do to help his wife and calm his own fears. I am hopeful that women’s health education will improve signific! — Supportive Husband


Thank you for your letter. Knowledge is power, and the more you can educate yourself from profession­als about pre- and peri-menopause, the better. That is assuming, of course, that your wife says she wants you to know.

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