Regret and renewal

DEAR ANNIE >> I could have written the letter from “Regretful,” who was sad that she and her husband had left the city and moved into a rural area where she is missing out on so much that had made her life fun. For me, it’s been 12 years of misery. I used to see my daughters and grandkid almost every day, and now I’m lucky if it’s once a year.

My physical and mental health have deteriorated to the point where, at times, I no longer have any motivation to live.

My husband knows how I feel but chooses to ignore me; he’s happy here in the Northwoods where he can hunt and ride around on his fourwheeler. I’m 80 years old, and I feel like it’s over for me, but I don’t want my life to end in misery. What can I do?

— Also Regretful

DEAR ALSO REGRETFUL >> First off, I’m sorry that you are feeling so alone and isolated. Please reach out for help. You are not alone. If you are feeling like you do not want to live, visit the website https://988lifeline.org, which is a great resource.

Please tell your husband and your children how you are feeling. There is no reason that you should be feeling this alone and isolated. There are people who love you. Please reach out. There is help. Seek the help of a professional therapist to work through these feelings, if you can. Call your doctor and book a check-up, and see if there are exercises that you can do to boost your physical and mental health.

DEAR ANNIE >> I live on the West Coast where the unhoused population continues to increase every year, along with a massive fentanyl addiction issue. I am well aware that not all unhoused people are addicts, but I also have enough experience interacting with this subset of the community to know that many of the people who walk around asking for money do have an addiction, whether it may be fentanyl, alcohol or something else.

My question is whether you have a suggested response that conveys “no” without saying “sorry”? I feel very weird apologizing for not giving money to these people who I have a very specific reason to not give money to, but “sorry” is the only response I have observed from family, friends and co-workers when out and about. And, admittedly, as a woman sometimes walking alone, it doesn’t always feel like “no” is necessarily a safe choice, as it seems like it could be perceived as confrontational by the asker (and I also admit that could be in my head, as I haven’t been willing to try!).

Do you think a “no” by itself could be fine, or do you have another suggestion?

— Donating to Charity,

not Addiction

DEAR DONATING TO CHARITY >>

I do think a “no” can be a bit harsh to say to someone who is asking you for money on the streets, but you are right to donate to charity rather than street hustlers. Addiction is a disease, and many of these people are suffering very terrible symptoms of the disease, and they won’t get any treatment if they stay on the streets. “I’m sorry” might be a slightly more polite way to turn down a sick person who is struggling to live.

You might consider getting involved in community affairs or local politics, where homelessness has become a major issue, not just in the state you live in but across the nation.

DEAR ANNIE >> My only brother is 70, two years younger than me. We’ve not been close or communicating for months. I still resent his failure to acknowledge my marriage years ago. He was not present at my wedding, nor did he even send a greeting card. He missed out on all the formative years of my three children, never attending their events. He lives in Florida with his third wife with no children. I have no desire to reconnect with him and consider him a loser. What are your thoughts? Thank you for your attention to this matter

DEAR BROTHERLY >> Resentment about the past is only hurting you. You only have one brother. While it sounds like he made mistakes in your life, the fact that you are considering the idea of shoving him out of your life permanently shows that you have very strong feelings — feelings of anger, hurt and resentment. Try to forgive your brother for all of his wrongdoings and not be so judgmental and name-calling toward him. Everyone makes different choices. Forgiveness is a gift that you give to yourself. To quote Saint Augustine, “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”