20 reasons I’m passing on ‘Star Wars’

Frank Cerabino

On Thursday night, legions of Star Wars fans will flock to local theaters to be the first to see “Star Wars: The Force Awakens,” the seventh movie in the saga started by George Lucas in 1977. The newest installment picks up the story 30 years after “Star Wars Epi- sode VI — Return of the Jedi,” which screened in 1983.

Here are 20 reasons why I won’t be racing on Thursday night to see the new “Star Wars” movie:

1. Jar Jar Binks me once, shame on you. Jar Jar Binks me twice, shame on me.

2. If I want to be in a big room full of IT guys, I’ll go to Best Buy.

3. The last one of these events I went to was a midnight premiere of a “Harry Potter” movie, and I’m still suffering from Post Wizard Stress Syndrome.

4. Harrison Ford’s Han Solo character is going to be 30 years older than he was in “Return of the Jedi.” I’m at the age when the idea of sending old people into outer space sounds more like a threat than an adventure.

5. If I’m looking for an evening of fantasy, I’ll rewatch a recording of last night’s Republican debate.

6. In the words of my 28-year-old son who is going to a theater to watch the movie on Thursday night: “It’s going to have all the aesthetics of an 8th century Weight Watchers meeting with giant glow sticks.”

7. OK, I’ll admit, that last one makes me want to go.

8. The movie is 124 minutes long, which means the force would have be with me not to get up and go to the bathroom at some point.

9. If Mel Brooks were doing another “Spaceballs” movie, count me in.

10. A big new movie without Jennifer Lawrence, Bradley Cooper or Helen Mirren. Is that even legal?

11. I’ve seen the three trailers for the movie already, exposing me to more exploding battle sequences than an ISIS recruiting video.

12. You might go through