Battle brewing as couple divided over doing chores

sus hiring it out because she can’t afffffffffffford to do otherwise, then it gets more complicated. Liking her would presumably be enough to motivate an able-bodied companion to help her out on the infrequent occasions when the work is too big for one person. Complaining that it ruins your Saturday to help her, in those cases, would send a message about you that I doubt you want to send.

Meanwhile, anything beyond a rare need for help would put her in an unflflattering light. When people get in over their heads on a house — i.e., more jobs than they can do themselves or afffford to hire out — it’s not right for that to become the problem of everyone they know within favor-asking distance.

The linchpin, as always, is transparency. You need to be honest about your distaste for yard work, lest you grow resentful of her calls and of the time she spends mulching that you could be spending together. She needs to be honest about why she takes on these projects, lest she grow resentful that you play touch football and get your nails buffffffffffffed while she hauls bags of mulch.

Any peaceful resolution will emerge from these details, so start the conversation: “I don’t mind pitching in on rare occasions for people I care about [right?], but not for fun. Plus, it feels odd to do for your house what I won’t even do for my own.” If she doesn’t know your policy of hiring to preserve your leisure, now’s the time to explain.

Ask whether she feels the same way — and if not, why not. She brought you into this so you have standing to ask. It’s hard to think of a topic more germane to a couple’s compatibility than how you spend your money versus how you spend your time.