Royal baby getting a cousin
Here’s how those close family bonds affect childhood.
As he arrived only last Monday, it’s unlikely the fanfare surrounding the royal baby will die down any time soon. There are names to consider, photos to be seen, fashion choices to scrutinize and adorable waves from his sister to fawn over.
But once all of that is taken care of, the public might remember several outlets recently reported that the Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton’s sister, Pippa, is expecting her first child with her husband, James Matthews.
A royal baby cousin! Though not an actual royal, the son or daughter of Pippa and Matthews will likely spend much of childhood in the company of royalty, prompting the question as to whether the tight bonds between Kate and Pippa will lead to close relationships between their children.
So what is the effect of close-knit cousins in a family? Despite the wealth of studies on sibling dynamics, there’s hardly any research on the bonds between cousins. However, family psychologist Paul Donahue suggested that if families are close, cousins can be just as good — if not better — than siblings.
“The reality is, for a lot of families, cousins function as surrogate siblings,” said Donahue, author of ‘Parenting Without Fear.’” A lot of children can have a fondness for their cousins that has a little less jealousy than there is with siblings. There’s not quite as much rivalry, which is the real advantage that they have over siblings.
“Kids can have a really intense, close relationship with their cousins, but at the end of the day, they get to retreat to their own homes. That often preserves their bonds. They don’t have the intensity of struggling for parents’ affection, but they feel the closeness of being in the tight-knit family.”
David Palmiter, professor of psychology at Marywood University, similarly sees strong relationships between cousins as having a positive impact, depending on circumstances. Palmiter’s book “Working Parents, Thriving Families” aimed to identify things that promote resiliency within children. While he said cousins specifically didn’t make that list, strong family ties do help.
“Clinically, having a family system that is expansive and supportive seems to go in the plus column for promoting resiliency in kids,” Palmiter said. “The more they have a supportive social network, the better they do when adversity hits.”
If parents are keen on building these bonds between cousins, both experts advised the same tactic: establishing family traditions.
“Having regular rituals together: big family dinners on a Sunday. Holidays. For me and my brothers, we have always had the opportunity to take our children and spend a couple of weeks together in the summer at Cape Cod, where we went as kids,” Donahue said. “But to have these extended times and rituals where kids have the opportunity to grow up together (is important). Time and traditions go a long way.”
Palmiter echoed his thoughts almost exactly.
“Rituals are huge,” he said. “And that is a top resiliencypromoting factor. Planes may be crashing, and there may be guns in schools, but we still always go here for birthdays and have pizza, or go to synagogue on the weekends. It doesn’t matter what the rituals are as long as they’re adaptive. Those are basically a Captain America shield against stress.”
There hardly seems to be a shortage of tradition or rituals in the royal family, so cousins — whether Middleton or potential future children of Meghan Markle and Prince Harry — are likely to be pretty close. Their pizza parties are probably fancier than average, though.