Mil­i­tary hus­band re­turns home only to leave again

The Palm Beach Post - - TELEVISION - Jeanne Phillips Dear Abby Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

Dear Abby: My hus­band, “John,” re­cently re­turned from his fourth Mid­dle

East tour af­ter hav­ing been gone for a year. As soon as he got back, his mother in­vited him and his two sis­ters on a va­ca­tion cruise for a week. He said yes, and they’ll be leav­ing in a cou­ple of weeks. The down­side is — no spouses al­lowed.

John and I are in our mid-40s. We have been mar­ried 25 years. I feel slighted, left out and, frankly, dis­re­spected. I’m not sure how to bring this up to him or to his mom. I don’t want to cause my hus­band, who is cur­rently go­ing through a dif­fi­cult rein­te­gra­tion process, any stress. And I don’t want to cause drama with his mother, who will re­gard my speak­ing up as an of­fense to her ges­ture for her chil­dren. Please help. Do I just keep my hurt­ing mouth shut? — Hurt­ing in the Mid­west

Dear Hurt­ing: Be­cause your hus­band is hav­ing a dif­fi­cult time rein­te­grat­ing, I do think you should keep your mouth closed. The rea­son you and the other spouses weren’t in­vited may have been the cost in­volved. If it wasn’t, then Mama may have wanted her “brood” around her and no one else.

You say you and your hus­band have been mar­ried 25 years. That would make you a mil­i­tary wife. By def­i­ni­tion, mil­i­tary wives are re­silient and in­de­pen­dent. If you feel you will be at loose ends while your hus­band is with his mother and sib­lings, I sug­gest you and the other “ex­cluded spouses” plan some ac­tiv­i­ties to­gether to pass the time. If you all like each other, you could have a ball.

Later, when the time is right, you and your hus­band could plan a pri­vate get­away just for the two of you.

Dear Abby: I have been mar­ried for al­most a year to an amaz­ing man who sur­prised me with a stun­ning, large en­gage­ment ring. I’m a mod­est, hum­ble per­son and of­ten find my­self hid­ing the ring be­cause — although I love it — I don’t like the at­ten­tion it brings. My proud moth­erin-law of­ten brags about the ring to oth­ers. She re­cently started work­ing at the same place I do and has been show­ing off the ring (on my fin­ger) to my co-work­ers. It makes me very un­com­fort­able be­cause I like to stay as pro­fes­sional as pos­si­ble.

My mother-in-law is so sweet that I don’t want to hurt her feel­ings. I also don’t want to stop wear­ing my ring to work be­cause it is so spe­cial to me. What do I do? — Sparkles Plenty in New Jersey

Dear Sparkles Plenty: It’s a lit­tle late to do any­thing now be­cause most of your co-work­ers have prob­a­bly seen your ring. What you should have done when your mother-in-law first drew at­ten­tion to it was take her aside and ask her pri­vately to stop be­cause you are a hum­ble per­son and also con­cerned it might in­cite jeal­ousy.

Dear Abby: Is there such thing as love at first sight?

— A Penny For Your Thoughts

Dear Penny: There is such a thing as strong mu­tual at­trac­tion at first sight. But love doesn’t hap­pen in an in­stant. Love re­quires ac­tu­ally getting to know some­one.

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