Katharine Esty , 88, Concord, Mass.
When Esty fell into a funk after turning 80, she looked for a guide to what to expect in the decade ahead. One didn’t exist, so she wrote “Eightysomethings: A Practical Guide to Letting Go, Aging Well, and Finding Unexpected Happiness.”
For the project, Esty, a social psychologist and psychotherapist, interviewed 128 people in their 80s.
“The more people I talked with, the happier I became,” she said. “People were doing interesting things, leading interesting lives, even though they were coping with a lot of losses.
“Not only was I learning stuff, having this purpose and focus brought me a tremendous amount of joy. My vision of what was possible in old age was greatly expanded.”
Part of what Esty learned is the importance of “letting go of our inner vision of what our life should be and being open to what’s really happening.”
For example, after stomach surgery last year, Esty needed physical therapy and had to use a walker.
“I had always prided myself on being a very active person, and I had to accept my vulnerability,” she said.
Similarly, although her 87-year-old boyfriend thought he’d spend his retirement fishing in Maine, he can’t walk well now, and that’s not possible.
“I have come to think that you choose your attitude, and optimism is an attitude,” said Esty, who lives in a retirement community. “Now that I’m 88, my task is to live in the present and believe that things will be better, maybe not in my lifetime but decades from now. Life will prevail, the world will go on — it’s a sort of trust, I think.”