New CRAFT curriculum to be offered through Project HOPE
MARSHALL COUNTY — Michiana Behavioral Health Counselor and licensed Social Worker Amye Gourley will be facilitating a new class every month to support families who love someone struggling with addiction. “It’s a family support group to help identify the family dynamic trigger and motivator, to develop positive communication techniques, helping the loved one enter treatment if they need it or engage in recovery and connect families to resources.”
The class is part of the Community Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT) curriculum. Classes will be held the second Wednesday of every month at David’s Courage and the third Wednesday of
every month at the Community Hospital in Bremen.
Every person who attends the class will be provided with a book “Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading and Threatening” by Robert J. Meyers PH.D. and Brenda L. Wolfe, PH.D. and a workbook for their personal use.
Every month the class will cover one of 12 sections. Classes do not have to be attended sequentially to be beneficial. Each lesson can be taught and absorbed independently.
Gourley addressed codependency and how loved ones play a critical role in recovery. “It’s definitely an issue. They unknowingly enable the person.”
While it is not their responsibility that someone recover, learning how to help without enabling can save a loved one’s life.
“The family needs to recognize how to separate the role of caregiver and contributor. You can contribute with healthy boundaries. They are a grown up. It does get a little bit different if they are under 18. So to clarify I’m talking about adults. You have to separate that and recognize that you are no longer the caregiver. They are an adult.”
Gourley said that it can be difficult for parents to watch their children suffer or struggle even without the added pressures of addiction. “If you are constantly saving them before they even realize they are going to fall then they’re not going to learn.”
The worst fear for someone is to lose their loved one to an overdose. Gourley emphasized that it is up to the individual to recover. “You have to choose recovery.” Setting healthy boundaries and holding loved ones accountable is necessary for the health and well being of the individual and their loved ones.
For parents addressing an addiction issue within their teenager Gourley said, “Maybe you didn’t notice that they were behaving this way. Why do you think they feel comfortable with this type of person? Tell me about what they experienced growing up that makes them feel comfortable with people that are in pain. People who are self medicating.”
Gourley referenced teachings by Mandy Saligari using the following example, “When you grow up in a house and there is a high needs person, for no specific reason, you learn to get your validation through giving and helping. You learn that’s how you do it because there is not enough to go around. So, of course I’ll do the washing up. Of course my homework is already done. You don’t have to worry about me, I’m a good girl. I’m a good boy. You don’t have to have help because there is not enough help in the house. So then when you get a little older you don’t feel like you can be vulnerable. So you start acting like anything but yourself because you are running on empty. ‘I don’t want people to know that I am sad, or scared or that I don’t know what I am doing.’ So that is when they will turn to drugs, or alcohol or marijuana.” They form bonds with others in the same situation and try to heal themselves and each other in unhealthy ways.
Parents who give in too much to their children at any age will find that they struggle to limit that as they get older and the requests get harder to accommodate. In the case of addiction, it is a matter of life and death to secure and maintain healthy boundaries and accountability. “Being able to say no and hold it.”
Each time a parent gives in to a child’s unreasonable request it makes it more difficult to say no the next time. When parents yell, it tends to make them feel guilty and impacts the child in negative ways. Being able to say no in a calm manner and uphold that no even in the face of verbal rebuttals is necessary to developing a healthy parent/child relationship at any point in time.
Gourley believes that the fear of loss of the relationship is what keeps parents from setting healthy boundaries. When kids are out of sight, they aren’t necessarily out of mind. Parents are tormented by fear and anxiety. She empathized with parents. “We just want our kids to have a better life than we had.”
Gourley emphasized that the class is not a professional counseling service and that the meetings are confidential.
“Recognizing that another person’s behavior, even when it seems like it is towards you — it’s not about you. It’s about them.” The same is true about one’s behavior toward others.
Gourley stated that self-awareness is at the core of recovery. “It doesn’t matter if it’s opiates, or alcohol, or eating, or selfharm, at the core of healing is mindfulness. Knowing who you are, how you feel, why you feel a certain way, where did that emotion come from?”
The first of these classes will be on May 12 at David’s Courage located at 10924 Lincoln Highway, Plymouth and on May 19 at the Community Hospital in Bremen located at 1020 High Road, Bremen.
Participants who bring a child under the age of 18 will just need to sign a liability waiver that they grant permission for the child to be present.
Email Gourley at amye4hope@gmail.com for a link to pre-register. Please not that pre-registration is not required to attend the class.