A fashion statement for baseball, cake and a crotchety old man

To all baseball teams in the world — if they aren't grey or white BURN THE SOLID COLOR UNIFORMS. They look like you are wearing pajamas. Until Nike comes out with clown shoe spikes to match, get rid of these hideous assaults on all that is holy.

I can only hope this new trend dies the way the other uniform revival a few years ago of the multi-color shirts — vis a vis the 80's Houston Astros — that looked like Hawaiian softball uniforms.

I have now clearly become the crotchety old man that I promised myself I would never be.

By the way — GET OFF MY LAWN. Young kids and their hippety hoola hoop music. In my day we had to drive to school in a car that just had AM radio that played the Captain and Tennille. AND WE LIKED IT.

I'm really happy I stopped myself short of the "young whippersnappers" comment I had planned here.

Cooking in the kitchen the other night and my son — not the one who believes Babe Ruth is a fictional character, but another one — made this observation.

"You know what you would really need in the case of a zombie apocolypse? A good piece of cake."

As you might have figured out by now, Child Protective Services had me on speed dial while my sons were growing up.

FYI apparently Adult Protective Services seems to hold those numbers over.

A week ago the internet was full of "...where's all the global warming?..." comments.

Viola.

Years ago parents used to worry about us having illicit sex in parked cars. Now they have something much more concerning to worry about — making Tik-toks.

If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it, does anybody really care?

I keep hearing that "the enemy of my enemy is my friend." If that's the case, I have to feel like I really ought to consider the crowd I'm hanging out with. Just think what that would do to Facebook. Speaking of Facebook it appears that just after sitting down, Abraham Lincoln posted a selfie of he and Mary Todd in the stage side box at Ford's theater saying "LOL, LOL, Bae drug me out to the theatre tonight. That Boothe guy is supposed to be the bomb. Who's up for the club after? YEET."

On those same lines — BOTH of the people in the "Pina Colada Song" are reprehensible human beings and totally deserve each other.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Clearly the chicken because if it was the egg somebody would have fried it up.

How do you solve a problem like Maria? Ummm. I know a guy...

We wouldn't have to pay so much for gas if George Washington were still in office.