The Pilot News

Some answers to your burning questions

- BY RUSTY NIXON

From time to time

I like to open up the communicat­ion wavelength­s and answer some reader questions.

I would like to state that none of the questions here were actually asked. The answers are not to be taken seriously, nor used as the basis for a new religion.

Q — If Tom Brady fought Patrick Mahomes who would win?

A — I think a better question is how would humanity survive such a battle?

This is an epic world-crushing, cataclysmi­c confrontat­ion that occurs only in the world of anime. And we all know how scary anime is.

Q — Will Donald Trump run in 2024?

A — From what?

Q — 2x + 3 (2y/3) = 12

Solve for y.

A — Why?

Q — Who was the shooter on the grassy knoll? A — This is a common misconcept­ion. There was no shooter on the grassy knoll, it was a catcher in the rye and that was Holden Caulfield.

Q — Could you have made a more obscure literary joke?

A — Not sure. Why don't we find out?

Q — Do you believe in Big Foot?

A — Do I have to buy him shoes?

Q — If a train leaves Cleveland headed towards Los Angeles at 9:45 a.m. traveling 75 miles per hour and another train leaves New Orleans headed to Seattle at 2 p.m. traveling at 80 miles an hour what do you want for lunch?

A — I don't know. What do you want?

Wow. These questions are SO easy. I wonder where they came from?

Q — What is really kept at Area 51?

A — Why do you want to know?

Q — Is Elvis really dead?

A — Did Moriarty die at Reichenbac­h Falls?

Q — Do you think maybe this counts as more obscure than Holden Caulfield?

A — I don't know...you think?

Q — Is it true that Field Marshall Erwin Rommel wrote a newly discovered autobiogra­phy of his time in Egypt?

A — What does the "Dessert Fox" say?

Q — Does that qualify as a very obscure and rare history/pop culture reference?

A — What does THE Fox say? Duh.

Q — Whatever happened to Baby Jane?

A — What do I look like? A cop?

Q — I've heard you are a good guy. Is that true? A — What is your sample group to compare with? A group of serial killers or a group of normal bad people?

Q — You realize you just answered every question with a question, right?

A — You really think so?

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from United States