The Pilot News

Eggs, liver cake and a party in the ocean


One day, you’ll understand. Given the path that I have taken in life I am haunted by one question Could I have been a foot model?

They found 3.5 tons - yes tons - of cocaine floating in the Pacific ocean. Man, those dolphins really know how to party.

Although it is the sea turtles that run the cocaine trade in the ocean. Sea turtles are ruthless man.

Scientists have discovered the most stressful minute of the day. It’s right now.

And now.

And now.

And now...

I think it’s safe to say at this point that the internet is a passing fad.

I actually had a boss say that to me in the late ‘90s. He was clearly a visionary.

He now makes his living doing a podcast.


I’m stockpilin­g eggs.

While it is truly frightenin­g to think of me as the “Fresh Egg Kingpin of North Central Indiana”, you should be more frightened of the confidence I have in my evil plot to openly reveal my plans upfront.

I will soon be sitting on my egg throne overlookin­g my egg empire.

I will use the tactic of eggsploita­tion.

It’s eggciting to me since eggsperts all say I should have high eggspectat­ions for success. Of course, I’ll be going the eggstra mile to insure success.

For eggsample, I’m willing to scramble around to poach everybody’s stash of eggcellent produce.

It’s eggsactly what I have always dreamed of.

The previous has my editor Jim Master smiling with eggstacy.


Did I miss something? Have we returned to fighting wars with Zeppelins again?

Whatever they were our fighter jets sure put some Led in those Zeppelins.

Thank you I’m here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waitress.


And you can rest assured that I will be licking up all the cheesy, sludgy, crumbs at the bottom of the Cheetos bag.

That’s the equivalent of those crunchies from Long John Silvers.

I have always wondered what is the exact ratio of the volume of LJS crunchies per heart attack.

I learned this week that ants can recognize themselves in a mirror.

My question is what is the over/ under on the date that somebody decides they need to give ants makeovers to heighten their self-esteem?

Every ant is beautiful, even those that have a plus-sized thorax.


I just saw a picture of salad lasagna. This only works for a meal if the side is actual lasagna.


So apparently the brain keeps you from using your full strength to avoid injury and even death.

My brain has clearly decided that using any of my strength puts me in danger of death.

—— Chicken pudding was a thing? Really?

What do you serve with that? Brain bread, some intestine salad, and liver cake for dessert?

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