The word of the year, lava, and serial killers

I've been questioning the theory of gravity.

I just had an epiphany. Alex Jones is the reincarnated Sam Kinison.

You've seen the commercials I'm sure. So tell me; is Matthew Mcconaughey actually an AI or not? It's hard to tell watching his movies.

It's official. As voted on by readers of the Animal Journal I am now the world's largest living land mammal.

I saw on the internet you can make lava at home. Now I must do it.

My kids won't laugh at me this time when I tell them the floor is lava.

Did you watch the travesty of the Dr. Pepper scholarship toss during the Big 12 Championship game?

JUSTICE FOR GAVIN WHITE.

Oh. Dr. Pepper gave two scholarships because of the miscount.

Never mind then.

We all have those people in our lives that the only thing they lack to be a serial killer is a body count. That you know of...

Whatever happened to Jake from State Farm who wore khakis?

I heard he exploded after eating those pop-rock candies while drinking a soda.

For God's sake, can we please reach the point where we no longer care what Urban Meyer has to say?

Unless it's in a deposition.

Saw an article the other day about 15 historical events you should never, ever google image search.

Then it goes on to list them in order along with links to each.

They were right. Oh, so right.

Never heard this before. There is a hypothesis that we are not descended from apes.

Before you go into creationist joy, the Chimp-pig hypothesis is that humans might be hybrids of a pig and some chimps.

So our true ancestors are a race of Chimpigs. That makes us Humanzees.

You know back in primordial times those aliens were BUSY.

I asked AI what they thought of this theory and its answer was, "Who told you that? That AI over at Google? It is always spreading conspiracy theories. The aliens were far too busy building all the pyramids to do anything like that."

Saw this headline: "Taylor Swift is now a Christmas Tree".

I had no idea she could shapeshift. I think this is a daring career move but if anybody can pull it off, it's Taylor.

There are dueling "words of the year".

The Oxford Dictionary and Merriam-webster are involved in a "war of words".

See what I did there right?

Last year’s word for the Oxford dictionary was ‘gremlin mode.’ The shortlist for this year includes ‘beige flag’ (a relationship term about a personality trait that’s neither good nor bad, but makes you stop for a second when you notice it).

There’s also "heat dome," "situationship," and "Swiftie."

I'm not sure about situationship, but heat dome has something to do with heat and domes. Of course, Swiftie is easy. That's what we call somebody who does things quickly, Especially in situationships that throw up beige flags.

Last week, Merriam-webster named ‘Authentic’ as their word of 2023.

I am hoping to bring the two sides together at the peace table and hammer out an agreement. A language divided against itself cannot stand.

We just need to yeet our differences.