Marriage, middle-aged son stuck in time for 30 years
Dear Abby: My wife and I have been married since 1968. The last time we were intimate was in 1984. The house is in both of our names. Nine years ago, she asked one of our sons to come live with us. She never asked me how I felt about it.
Our son continues to live here, and he pays no rent or anything else toward our living expenses. He literally lives the life of a teenage boy, although he’s almost 48. I pay all the household bills. He has a job and makes more than I do (my pension).
I do not want a boarder in my home, but I can hardly evict him. Our other four children are all successful, own their own homes and live the lives of responsible adults.
Over It In Ohio
Dear Over It: Although it’s late, consider engaging the services of a licensed marriage and family therapist. I don’t know what the laws about community assets in your state are, but a lawyer can enlighten you. Because your 48-yearold teenager has been living with you for so long, you may need one or both to pry him out of there.
Dear Abby: Forty years ago, my husband had an affair that left me emotionally damaged. I took him back when he asked, and we went on with our lives – well, HE did. Even today, if I hear a song from that time or her name, I freak out. When I remember how he told me he loved her, something inside me dies.
I went to counseling, but all I got from it was a bill I couldn’t afford. He treats me well and says “I love you” every day, yet the cut is still fresh and deep. Any suggestions?
Like Yesterday In Florida
Dear Like Yesterday: After 40 years of torturing yourself, the memory of your husband’s transgression has become ingrained. By holding onto this, you are only hurting yourself. You took him back after the affair but have never truly forgiven him, which is why you cannot let it go. Consider consulting another licensed mental health professional to see if there is any way for you to obliterate the intrusive memory of his betrayal.
Dear Abby: A friend is throwing a joint birthday party for herself, her daughter, son-in-law and sister. Their birthdays all fall in the same month. I am close to all of them. This joint celebration has been a ritual for the past three years, and presents are expected.
I have come to feel that this is unfair. For a single-day, one buffet party, I must buy presents for four people. I’m considering buying one decent present and having it raffled off among the four. What do you think? By the way, this also happens a few months later for her husband and son.
Party Pooper In California
Dear Party Pooper: I think it’s fair IF all six people reciprocate when your birthday rolls around. If they don’t, then when your friend’s (the hostess’s) birthday arrives, skip the party, entertain her separately, for lunch perhaps, and give her her present then.
ACROSS
1 __ by step;
gradually 5 Carpets 9 Shapeless mass 13 Payroll
deductions 15 Ready for
business 16 “Ticket to __”;
Beatles song 17 Do very well 18 Recent arrival 20 Nintendo game
console
21 Have unpaid
bills 23 Hemingway, for
one
24 Records 26 Traitor 27 Treeless plain 29 Kindest 32 Comfortable 33 Plastered
35 One with a nest
egg?
37 Long periods 38 “Nothing __!”;
firm refusal 39 Nincompoop 40 Guy 41 Discovers 42 “Terrific!”
43 Try hard 45 Exhilarated 46 Actor Marienthal 47 Razz 48 Humiliates 51 Dine
52 Bleater 55 Southern state 58 Amphetamine 60 Blyth & Richards 61 __ about;
approximately 62 Clip sheep 63 National League
team
64 Rests
65 Annoys
DOWN
1 Meat-and-veggie
dish
2 Roll along the
runway
3 Thrill 4 Baseball’s __
Wee Reese 5 Movie parts
6 “__ Lazy River” 7 Acquire
8 __ at; deriding 9 Charlotte or Emily 10 Green fruit 11 Poems of praise 12 Ernie’s pal
14 Slipshod
19 Word attached to
pot or down 22 Minute
25 Orangs & chimps 27 Bogus; fake 28 Garments for
Caesar 29 Wimple wearers 30 Merchant 31 Comanche home 33 Fully cooked 34 Get __ of;
discard
36 Geek 38 Arithmetic book
chapter 39 Singing couples 41 TV’s “The
Rockford __” 42 __ quo; existing situation 44 Negligent 45 Home for an
octopus 47 Sign of sorrow 48 Close with a
bang 49 Sharpen 50 Family tree
member 53 Feeble 54 Messes up 56 Santa __, CA 57 File drawer,
perhaps
59 __ Beta Kappa