Messy reader needs help clearing clutter Sense & Sensitivity ...
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am so embarrassed. One of my dearest friends came to town, and we went out for brunch in my neighborhood. Afterward, we took a walk and ended up near my house. She asked if she could use my bathroom, and
I had to say no. My house is a total mess. I could not allow her — or anyone else — to come inside. I felt so bad, but I did say no.
I try hard to get my place together, but I'm never successful. There is so much clutter, and I can't get it under control. I know my friend was surprised that
I didn't let her in. This is not how I want to live. I need help. — Hoarder
DEAR HOARDER: You have taken the first, most important step, which is to admit your problem. The shame that you felt in turning your friend away was real and can serve as a wakeup call. You need help. You have not been able to clean your place even though you have tried.
The next step is to take action. Make an appointment with a mental health professional who can talk with you about your life and help you figure out what lies beneath your hoarding. Many people with this problem suffer from obsessivecompulsive disorder. If that is the case for you, a mental health professional can help you recognize your challenges and work to manage them in your life. For more information, go to treatmyocd. com.
On a physical level, you need logistical help clearing out your place. You can hire a professional cleaning service that specializes in helping hoarders. You will have to let them help you, but they can come in and quickly assist in taking out the clutter. Most cities have this service. Look online for one near you.
DEAR HARRIETTE: There is so much death around me right now that it is hard to stay positive. Usually I am an upbeat person, but right now it feels overwhelming. People who are close to me and to people I love seem to be dropping like flies. I don't really know what to do. I just feel sad and helpless. What do you recommend? — Too Much Loss
DEAR TOO MUCH LOSS: I am so sorry for the losses that you are experiencing. While death is a natural part of life, that fact does not make it any easier to handle when it's personal. Perhaps this isn't the moment for you to be upbeat. Allow yourself just to be in the moment. It is OK to feel sadness, pain, longing or anger. Whatever emotions are filling your spirit right now, allow them to wash over you.
To maintain some positivity, you can remember the great things about those you have lost and talk about those memories with people who knew them. Recalling funny or enlightening stories can be helpful in balancing your energy.
Pay attention to what you eat and drink. Do your best to be kind to your body by feeding yourself in a healthy way. Do not consume too much alcohol or caffeine, as they can agitate you. Get rest. Keep good company. Call and visit with loved ones who are uplifting. Their positive energy can help you to live through this tender time.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.