Reader feels stuck in a rut
DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like nothing is going right in my life. I am busy with work, which is good, but it just feels like a treadmill. I get up, and it seems like the week whizzes by. I don't do anything much for fun. My husband and I live in the same house but barely talk to each other. My life is boring and just ... nothing.
I listen to my co-workers talk about the fun things that they did on the weekend or after work. I do nothing. I'm beginning to think that my life isn't worth it. Like, what am I working so hard for if I never to anything interesting? I think this is an unhealthy state of mind, but I don't quite know what to do next. — Unmotivated
DEAR UNMOTIVATED: The moment of awareness is when you can do something about it. Take stock of your interests. If you ever had hobbies, what were they? What did you do for fun? Can you resume one of those activities now? Especially if those interests could involve other people, go for it. For example, I used to crochet a lot. I would go to certain yarn shops and sit with others who knitted or crocheted for company. Those types of engagements are starting again. Look for likeminded gatherings.
Invite your husband out on a date. Break up the monotony of your household routine. Coax him out to do fun things with you that take you out of the house and out of your comfort zones with the goal of simply having fun.
You can also find a therapist to help you sort through your thoughts and feelings.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My son will be going off to college in the fall, and I'm feeling a wave of panic come over me. He is prepared — that is not the problem. A good friend told me years ago when my son was born that the most important thing I could do for myself was to ensure that my marriage was tight after I had my child. I didn't really do that. I poured everything into my child. Now that he is about to go, I have the mess of my marriage left to deal with.
Whenever my husband and I have had issues, I have tried to get us to address them, but he has refused therapy and generally blown me off when I have pointed out things that bother me. I'm tired of turning a blind eye to the things that tick me off, but I don't want to have to put up with this stuff anymore. I don't know that I want a divorce. I do know that I don't want what we have right now. What can I do? — Turing Point
DEAR TURNING POINT: Find a therapist for yourself, and sort through your feelings and state of mind. What do you want for yourself now? What are you ready to do to manifest that? What can you do to inspire your husband to meet you where you want to be? What will you do if you cannot get him to do anything? Invite your husband to join you in therapy. He may surprise you this time.
Ultimately, you have to decide if you are willing to stay where you are or make other choices. Don't stay in purgatory. Make a conscious choice for your life and then put everything into it.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.