Husband unwilling to support wife after layoff

DEAR HARRIETTE:

I am a 35-year-old woman who is married to a man four years older than me. Within a year of landing my first high-paying job, I was unfortunately laid off due to budget cuts. The day that I lost my job, I told my husband that I would need him to support me until I get back on my feet; my severance pay would last us only a few months. He hesitantly agreed to continue paying half of the rent and to help out with my student loan payments, but he told me that I'll need to figure out how to pay for everything else (my personal needs, gas, etc.). His hesitance is what bothered me the most. My husband makes more than me — and always has. I should be able to lean on him at a time like this. My friends and family all agree that his wavering support is cause for worry. When I'm back on my feet, would it be ridiculous to consider separating? — Unsupportive

DEAR UNSUPPORTIVE:

It is too early to jump to conclusions about whether or not you should leave your husband when you get back on your feet. He was likely shocked by your sudden change of circumstances and definitely didn't handle it well. Keep an open dialogue with him as you go through this challenging period. Tell him you need him to be your sounding board now as you redefine yourself and find a new job. Invite him to step up and truly be there for you. Losing a job is in the top 10 life stressors for people. How you two manage this moment is what will give you a glimpse of the future. Don't be so hasty as to plan your departure now. Instead, be in the present and make the absolute most of it. Then assess where you want to go next.

DEAR HARRIETTE:

My younger brother is pretty much over the trauma that his car accident caused, but I am not. He nearly lost his life in a car accident a year ago. He made the foolish mistake of texting and driving and could have not only killed himself, but some other innocent person.

My brother has healed from his injuries and is cleared to start driving, but I am still so worried. I wish he would never get behind the wheel again. I know it isn't realistic to want him to stop driving forever, but he is lucky to be alive, and I'm afraid his luck may run out. It isn't necessarily my trauma to carry, but it is trauma nonetheless. How do I get over this? — Not My Trauma

DEAR NOT MY TRAUMA:

You already know that you cannot live your brother's life for him. Nor should you guilt him into being afraid to drive. You can remind him that he should put his phone out of arm's reach when he is driving. Recommend that he not even use the hands-free feature that some newer cars have. Just turn off the phone to be safe.

Your brother needs encouragement to be responsible. So say things to him that are affirming about how he can take good care of himself. Remind him of how precious he is to you and the other people who love him. Ask him to take his life more seriously.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.