Grandparents won't travel for graduation celebrations
DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents have traveled to be at two of my nephew's graduations. When he graduated with his bachelor's degree years ago, they were front and center. When he graduated with his master's degree this year, they were front and center.
I don't understand why they cannot do the same with my children. Both of my kids have graduated from their respective universities and grad schools, yet my parents were noticeably absent from all ceremonies. It is important to note that my nephew lives only a few miles away from my parents, and my parents would have had to get on a plane for my kids' graduations, but it still isn't a great excuse to miss such momentous occasions in their lives. What could this be about? — Absent Grandparents
DEAR ABSENT GRANDPARENTS: Have you invited your parents and talked to them about attending your children's graduations? It sounds like you are grumbling about this in your head rather than being proactive and speaking to your parents about it.
You already know why they have gone to the local grandchild's ceremonies. Getting on a plane for two people is expensive. Have you ever offered to pay for their flights, or possibly split the fare? My guess is that it is a big expense for them to travel to the event; therefore, they haven't come. But if you haven't talked about it and made it clear to them that you want them at the events, you really have no idea what's going on.
DEAR HARRIETTE: The man I'm dating sent the mother of his children flowers for Mother's Day. We have been together for one full year. I've never had an issue with the mother of his children. I actually thought that it was healthy that he has a solid relationship with her. But for Mother's Day, he sent her roses, and I'm not fully comfortable with that. He told me that this is something he's done for years, and it doesn't mean anything romantic. Is it wrong that I'm uncomfortable with this? Does this make me insecure? — Flowers on Mother's Day
DEAR FLOWERS ON MOTHER'S DAY: I think it's fantastic that your guy sent his children's mother flowers. It shows that he cares about her deeply — as the mother of his children. Too often we hear of deadbeat dads who do not tend to their children and who have bitter relationships with their children's mothers. This is not the case for your boyfriend. That's refreshing. Know that this woman will always be in his life. That fact is something you will need to come to grips with. If you think you want to be in this relationship for the long haul, you need to figure out a peaceful way to have a relationship with her. She is part of the family. The fact that they have a healthy, positive relationship is excellent for the children — and everyone else. Savor that, and figure out a way to avoid feeling jealous. Be at ease with her and the way he treats her.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.